Cutting yourself slack...

[Hawktchr]

Everyone coming to this site has one thing in common and it’s not anxiety, fear, and depression. It’s that we are all human. Don’t forget that. You are not alone. Every human being walking this earth deals with these three conditions. No exceptions. I don’t care who you know or meet who seems to be happy all the time and all seems to go right for them, they too, deal with all three at some point. It is how we deal that matters. And it doesn’t mean that person is dealing with it well, either. They might just be better at hiding it. Or, maybe they are doing a good job handling it, but that’s not my point - my point here is that every single person on the planet has to deal with anxiety, fear, and depression. Once you understand that - accept this truth - you will begin to feel better about yourself, your situation, and hope for the future and dealing with it either well as you have, or better than you are doing now.

[gogogirl]

Awesome post!!! Even anthropologically humans dealt with anxiety especially if they dealt with being chases by wild animals- after all they basically lived outdoors. Now, in modern times we have all this left over anxiety- it's what is happening and how we deal with it at the time.

[MsGelfling1]

Props!!

[Hidden]

I don’t know...does everyone on the planet become suicidal each time they enter into a depressive stage? How long do these stages typically last for everyone on the planet? Do they stay depressed for years at a time or every winter?

[Hawktchr in reply to Hidden]

I think you’d be hard-pressed to find someone who hasn’t had suicide cross their mind if they are truly honest. Now, while I would be honest and say it has crossed my mind, the degree to which we all take that thought is what differentiates. I think I’m a better counselor because it has crossed my mind. Our backgrounds dictate so much about how we feel about things - how we struggle with issues that come up...Sometimes we follow bad patterns, and sometimes we make better decisions in spite of, or because of, those bad patterns. And that’s a good thing. I counseled a young suicidal woman once by simply telling her to think of her little nieces and nephews she had spoken of so adoringly, whenever suicide was crossing her mind. I asked her to picture them running and playing, I asked her to hear their voices while they played, and I asked her to think - and we must do this, it is a responsibility in life to care about those we love - I asked her to think how taking her life would affect them. Thinking about those we love, and those who love us, can be a salve on our wounds. The legacy of suicide. The permanent solution to temporary troubles and problems is something that will haunt those who love the person, forever. This is something she hadn’t thought of before. She literally changed her thought process that day and I am proud to say 30 years later she has watched all those nieces and nephews (as we share them) graduate from college. I reference again Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain - two famous people who recently left an 11-year-old and a 13-year-old to figure out why their parent took their own life. That is a legacy. Had someone pointed to those children and said, Are you going to do this to them? What are you teaching your child when you kill yourself? I think might’ve made a huge difference. I don’t throw this out lightly. I counsel personal responsibility. When I focus on other people - when I put other people first - the focus comes off of me and I don’t dwell so much on my problems. For me, that is healing. I hope this helps.

[Hidden in reply to Hawktchr]

I’m not sure...I think you’re minimizing depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation. It’s deeper than that. A severely depressed individual isn’t going to necessarily respond to thinking and visualizing their young relatives. They’re going to truly believe that those relatives would be so much better off without them around. The self-loathing, hopelessness and helplessness takes them to that point. It’s not as cut and dry as you make it sound. Sometimes, minimizing can make a person feel worse when they realize that it’s not as easy as they were led to believe. This fuels isolation from the mental health community. I’m just sayin’...

[Hawktchr in reply to Hidden]

I do agree with you. You’re correct. But, I am giving you one example. Not everyone will respond the way my client did - with whom I happen to share those nieces and nephews so this was really personal and why I feel free to bring it up. But I am so far from minimalizing depression - as a human clinician, I couldn’t do that. (Hard to be anything but human) And I do believe that bringing hope to people far gone into despair is a tough job. But from personal experience, I have seen it, so I’m only giving my personal experience, speaking to a depressed suicidal person in a hospital bed, some light - whatever brings that light - can be life changing. Not everyone is going to respond. Anyone who knew Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain knew how much they loved their children, but had they been shown (and I’m talking about prevention-In my example I was preventing a suicide) their child is not better without them, the devastation to the child could shock them out of at least the idea of suicide. Didn’t cure my client’s depression, but motivated her to actively get help and not permanently “fix it” with suicide. I disagree with knowing people who haven’t been depressed a day in their life. That isn’t possible to the human condition. It just isn’t possible. There are degrees of anxiety and depression, but no one escapes the experience though many won’t admit it due to the stigma...Some people have a perception issue. They want people to think their lives are perfect and enviable. The facts are, the majority of people who post non-stop on Facebook are significantly insecure and depressed. This isn’t the news according to me. It’s research.

[2manyyrs in reply to Hawktchr]

So we'll said❣Thank you so much❣

[Windy101]

I agree with you that everyone experiences painful emotions at one time or another. But depression and anxiety are real disorders that impact the brain in ways that normal pain doesn't. If everyone had these disorders, the world would be entirely different. I do think disorders are more common than the statistics let on, and that some people have the resources to hide to them. Still, I know real people who haven't been depressed a day in their lives and social butterflies who thrive on interactions with other people. Some people have situational depression; for example, when they lose a loved one. But it it is easier to treat and seems to go away faster than those of who have episodes of deep depression that tell us we're worthless, no one cares about us, etc. Sorry, I just can't agree with you, but I appreciate that you shared your point of view.

[Hawktchr in reply to Windy101]

See above to GratitudeFirst please.

[Windy101 in reply to Hawktchr]

I saw it. I just don't happen to agree with you. Many people say they've attempted suicide not because they wanted to die necessarily, but because it was the only cure for their excruciating depression. I'm not recommending suicide, and there's no question it causes harm that can be felt through the generations. I've had depression for years and with it, at times suicidal ideation. But I've never made an attempt on my life, for fear of the pain it would cause others, and also because a healthy part of me knew things would get better in time. You're entitled to your opinion, of course, but I think it's a mistake to assume that everyone out there has been through suicidal depression.

[Hawktchr in reply to Windy101]

I didn’t say that.

[YoungSimba]

I agree with this but my only thing is if it is so common why doesn’t it get the support it needs from others? If everyone has dealt with those three things why when it is brought up people give off the impression that it’s something foreign?

[Hawktchr]

Stigma. Kate Spade felt it would shed bad light on her image.

[Hidden in reply to Hawktchr]

I can appreciate your ability to articulate your thoughts and feelings. I’m pretty sure that we’re all on the same team! I enjoyed the conversation...I love hearing others point of view and thoughts. Wishing you peace and happiness! Stay cool 😎

[2manyyrs]

I THINK men get irritable, snappier, worried...they aren't supposed to cry, be depressed. They were always supposed to be the fixers and these concerns aren't something concrete that can be fixed.This is just simplified and short of course.