I have been absent from here for soooo long. Where do I even begin......I have not been on here much, as nothing has really changed. Everything is the same or worse.
I am feeling the depression and anxiety more now than I have ever. I feel like I have officially hit rock bottom now.
Today I am feeling overwhelmed. I am dizzy, and I woke up feeling so sick. I’m barely able to get out of bed. It feels as if my entire system is shutting down. Like my body is giving up on me.
I want to scream and yell for help! I feel like I’m trapped inside of my body.
Can anyone hear me? Can anyone relate to what I am going through. Why do I feel like this. More importantly how do I get out of this.
I have hit 300 pounds. This is killing me the most. How did I let myself get here? Why can’t I lose weight. I have a terrible addiction to food, and I know it. Yet I can’t find the strength or motivation to do something about it.
Yesterday I told myself I will try to eat healthier, I drank water all day. I was doing so good and had eaten as healthy as possible, until night time, my hunger took over, I feel like I ate a whole days worth of food in just 30 minutes. Anything I got my hands on went directly towards my mouth. I have no self control, I am ashamed. If anyone saw the way I ate, they would look at me in disgust. I have a problem.
I feel like I just don’t value myself, I don’t love myself. I don’t care about myself. Why do I have these feelings? Why am I going through this? I feel alone. So much is on my plate. I’m pushing myself to live everyday, and I’m pretty sure I’m not living. I am just existing. I am feeling long gone. No hope of return.
I looked into getting gastric bypass a little over a month ago. It’s the only thing I feel can save me at this point. I am waiting for the call. This is the last strand of hope that I have for myself. It truly is and it is very thin. Has anyone on here ever had it? Can you share your experiences.