Starting to Come Out of This Downswing

[1stepforward]

Look what I did! A sketch i'm not embarrassed of!

A week ago about this same time i was in that Walmart parking lot trying not to act on my suicidal ideations, calling crisis lines, frightened that i couldn't trust myself.

Since then, i broke my silence a little bit and shared with a few in my family and friends how badly i'm being affected by my depression. I had been so anxious anticipating their disappointment, but they were patient with me. My fam even made an effort to give me more quiet time - a feat in a house with so many kids.

But i plan to check out a low cost counseling organization while i figure out insurance things that will make medication accessible.

In the meantime. I've been making a bigger effort to make some kind of art as often as i can. Its a fight against myself sometimes - just the idea of picking up a pencil can feel so... heavy. But i'm glad i've tried more often in the past week.

Awesome.

(all of this is not to say that i dont feel panicked hearing a phone ring or that i'm suddenly able to be in social situations. but i'm spending less time dissociating in the middle of mundane tasks and thats nice)

[pianoplayer90]

Art's a great way to work out things on one's mind and to express oneself.

[JLoInCali12]

Happy for you!

[Agora1]

Nicely done 1stepforward. xx

[Nom-D-Ploom]

Can you make an appointment with a hospital social worker? They SW can let you know if there are religious organizations that can get you the care you need, with low or no fee. Also, if there is a university with medical colleges you may be able to see therapist interns for pay as you can care.