I’m not the same

[Kat63]

This period in my life has really damaged me. I used to have a spirit of adventure. I used to want to travel and see the world. Now I just want to hole up at home with my boyfriend, cats, and TV - and never feel scared again.

About 6 years ago, I was upset because all was not well between me and my partner in the bedroom.

Now, 6 years later, that looks like the good old days. Since then, the following things have happened:

- lost two jobs;

- moved 80 miles away from my partner, thinking that would help;

- dated men who didn’t work out;

- lost a pet;

- lost my country to the crazy people;

- lost my mother to cancer;

- And - last year - almost died of the flu, and then had pneumonia.

I feel pretty traumatized - although I think that a lot of my problems are my own fault. I did a lot of this to myself, so I don’t feel I really have a right to complain. If I could have back the life I had in 2013, I would be so grateful. It was so much better than now.

Now, I’m unemployed again, and am in the process of trying to rebuild the relationship with my partner. He has agreed to try us again. I’m moving back in with him next week and will continue job hunting in that area.

I have a lot of anxiety these days. I used to be so adventurous and passionate. Now, I feel like a totally different person. I have no spirit of adventure left anymore. None. The events of the past few years have taken that out of me. If the rest of my life is boring, that’s just fine with me. Boring is good. Maybe it’s time to learn how to be a nice old lady.

[CaramelGal]

First of all, i am so sorry you had to endure so many terrible things within those six years. But guess what sis?? You MADE it!! I don’t know if you believe in God/Devil but that’s all it is is the Devil. He wants to steal all of our beautiful kind fun loving souls. Don’t let him win! If you continue like you are, then he’s winning. I’m truly sorry all of those hurtful events happened to you, but you’re still here with people who love you and you love them. I’m not saying just get over the trauma of those things, but don’t let it consume you. If you can write this post then you recognize you’re not yourself and can do something about it. Small steps and it may take some time but you’ll be to your old self in no time. I’m still stepping now because of my sons father. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger right? Much love ❤️

[a_work_in_progress]

Hey kat63 I understand how all of what you’re going through can weigh you down. Try not to dwell on the bad stuff. I know it’s easier said than done and it’s really hard work.

On the lighter side of things:

I want to say ☺️ thank you.

You made me laugh so hard with your comment

“ Lost my country to the crazy people”

I concur

Things will get better.

[a_work_in_progress]

Just to clear up something i said I’m not sure things will get better with our country but we can’t let it dictate our happiness. I dont watch the news anymore and that helps a lot. Hugs

[JAYnLA]

Hey Kat - that's a lot. You're having big life filled with experiences, and the ones in that list are definitely difficult. I am often reminded that the pain I've been in lately is a passing thing, a period of 'contraction'. My life will expand again. We do have futures, and when we're hurting we tend to think it will all be painful. That's simply not true. Getting through our current difficulties can teach us how to navigate pain much more effectively. It turns out, I was a person who always wanted to flee from pain. Learning to consciously move through it is my current goal, and I'm making slow progress. Thanks for sharing yourself with us.