Family support

[hisipiki]

What do you parents or family do to support u when u have depression?

Mine just walk away, so far away. It hurts, it really does

[JAYnLA]

My family has tried to support me but they can't because they don't actually understand what I've been dealing with. A sister said recently, "Well, are you doing anything for fun?" See, she can't understand how the idea of fun is often a solar system away from my consciousness because she doesn't have anxiety and depression. I was more angry than hurt, but eventually realized that she has no base of understanding from which to be more supportive.

[hisipiki in reply to JAYnLA]

At least they r trying to support u. Mine don't. And they don't try to understand what's going on. And distant from me. That's really sad

[JAYnLA in reply to hisipiki]

I'm sorry to hear that. It must be very upsetting. My spiritual counselor was big on, "There are relatives, and there is family. Family are the people we choose. Relatives are not." Do you have people close to you that you could maybe consider 'family' in lieu of those in your birth family?

[hisipiki in reply to JAYnLA]

I don't think family can be chosen. Those who r blood related can't be chosen. Those r the ones made me sad.

[JAYnLA in reply to hisipiki]

That's not what my counselor (and myself) are saying. He encouraged redefining who you consider family and who you consider relatives. Family are the people you can open up to and feel supported by.

[hisipiki in reply to JAYnLA]

dictionary definition

Family: a group of people who r related to each other, such as mother, a father and their children.

Relatives : a member of your family

[JAYnLA in reply to hisipiki]

It doesn't seem that the perspective I'm trying to offer is landing for you, so I'll stop. I hope you find a perspective that helps you through this difficulty soon. Be well!

[Hidden]

I’m sorry to hear this.😞

The whole thing around family and mental illness can be complex.

I’m finding my loved family members can trigger me badly , so I do keep a distance ..it’s sad but they do, and I wonder if I trigger them..the two family members I mean are really nice and caring but I think they struggle seeing me when I’m not well, I certainly struggle to hear of anything upsetting them, it makes me feel so anxious..

Not saying that’s what is happening with you, but it’s another take on it, that I have observed recently

Take care xx🌺🌺

[Chappy12]

Or it triggers them their emotions memories etc

They haven't dealt with

.brushing it under the carpet

.be strong don't cry etc scenario..some generations and it still happens today have the attitude of just get on with it never being in touch with their feelings...try not to personalise it..I know it's hard..CBT taught me to look at things differently..my family were not supportive and over the yrs I realised they have issues themselves

Just concentrate on you...your dealing with stuff and are very brave

..we are all honest about how we feel on this thread and this adds to healing 💕

[Chappy12]

We are not born anxious..none of us are..we have an element of fear..survival instinct .mostly it is learnt or borrowed..passed down through generations..other people can make us feel anxious if they are themselves

.it can almost be catching...we need a certain amount to keep us safe..look into CBT..it's a life changer if your prepared to do the hard work xx

[bamagirl0994]

I'm so sorry, at least yours walks away and doesn't tell you your worthless lazy embarrassment and just wanting attention . Criticize me first thing out of their mouth when I'm around so I just don't go around them I've begged my mother to take the time to read about my disease I was diagnosed with by a medical professional however they say it's not a disease. It's all in my head and wanting attention and suicide is just being selfish they know it all and I just woke up one day decided I wanted to become a drug addict ruin everyone's life that I loved and stay isolated from everyone not have a life at all because I'd rather lay in bed all day staring at the walls crying my eyes out begging God to help me while the rest of my family is living a happy life goin ? Pkaces together having someone who they lay beside each night giving them a feeling of safety and happiness. THATS REALLY HOW I LIKE LIVING ? Really who the tell would actually want smthng like that. Needless to say let me say this my mom tried commuting suicide back in her teenage years and has been on Prozac gabepetitin and Xanax for 50+ YEARS my dad has got liver disease from alcoholism and is on gabepetitin and ativan?? I think it is and his father was in a mental ward for over a year back yrs ago for alcohol drive g him crazy sorry for rambling but maybe it will help knowing your not alone when it comes to no support

[DREAMYGIRL]

YEAH, YOU ARE RIGHT. FIRST PARENTS SAID THEY KNOW YOU WELL AND UNDERSTANDS YOU BETTER, BUT WHEN THERE ARE SOME SITUATIONS THEY BLAME YOU. WELL MY PARENTS ARE NOT HAPPY WITH ME AND NOW I HATE MYSELF. MY MOM SAYS I AM UNLUCKY BECAUSE IF ANYTHING GOOD HAPPENS I CHANGE THAT GOOD TO BAD.

[hypercat54]

Hi you recognise that although they love you they just don't understand or know how to help you. Have you told them what would help?

If they still can't or won't then you have to find the support through other loved ones or friends instead. Many families don't get it including mine so I get what I need from others instead including this site. x

[Hidden]

I'm sorry you are feeling hurt but they probably just don't know what to do. I think my oldest daughter may have had depression in her teen years. Her father was too busy for himself. I would always try to make her happy and she would be happier for a bit and then just slip back into her down mood. She did find her interest in music. She joined choir and sang all the time, made her happy. Special days of the year, like Christmas she would get the blues, probably the depression. She is all grown now and is on Cymbalta, definitely has made a difference. I am sorry to read your situation. Your parents are human and probably just don't understand. Talk to your doctor and hopefully you find your passion, your interest. You are not alone and your parents care, they probably just don't understand.

[Hidden]

I know exactly how you feel mine do the same and I get told all the time that I am making it all up. I am here if you want to talk to me about it as I might be able to help you.

[hisipiki in reply to Hidden]

Sure! Definitely wanna talk about it

[Hidden in reply to hisipiki]

Yeah I have no problem with that and I might be able to help you out as I know that exact feeling

[hisipiki in reply to Hidden]

How to tackle?

[Hidden in reply to hisipiki]

I would tell you try to explain how you feel I know it’s not always understood but try sit your parents down and just tell them how you feel and that you need some help from them

[hisipiki in reply to Hidden]

I did talk to my dad. But it didn't turn out great.

My mom is not the way to go at all because she basically has Ben absent since my childhood time.when she saw me or had to stay with me she argued with me

[Hidden in reply to hisipiki]

I am sorry to hear that. Have you any other family that you can talk to?

[hisipiki in reply to Hidden]

Yes, my husband

[Hidden in reply to hisipiki]

Try talking to him and if he has any sense he will listen to you and support you because that is what people who are married are supposed to do

[hisipiki in reply to Hidden]

Yes he's listening

[Hidden in reply to hisipiki]

I am glad to hear that you have somebody who is willing to listen to you. Keep talking to him and you will feel a whole lot better.