I don't know if I need help or not...

[Delfina97]

My name is Anna Denson. I'm over twenty- I just stopped counting after my twenty-first. Uhm... I really don't know if I need help or not. I made the mistake of Wed MDing it, and now I feel like I shouldn't even take myself seriously. I'm still trying to find out what I want to do with my life, and it feels like everytime I sit down and try to explore my options, I just start to delve into a dark hole in my mind. Like nothing appeals to me anymore. I love flowers- I thought maybe I could work in floral design. I took a class in high school and really enjoyed myself. But now that I start looking at it, it makes me feel inferior because of how little they make. I admire police officers- I thought maybe I could get my associates and join the academy. But I realized I can't afford to go back to school. I make too much- when in reality, I make enough to barely buy groceries after paying all my bills. When I'm driving, my husband often complains my music is too loud- it's the only thing distracting me from the little voice in the back of my mind to run off the road. I'm tired all the time- I often ponder if I should even bother getting up- let alone waking my husband up for the work day. My husband will ask the simplest question- and off I go. Irritated that he'd ask something so simple- then I'd get so ticked off at myself for thinking that he knows everything, and that sometimes everyone needs help with something. I haven't touched my husband in months- sex doesn't appeal to me anymore. I can't seem to get into the mood- no matter how hard I work myself up. I just end up feeling emotionally exhausted as soon as mid afternoon hits. All I want to do is either crawl in bed and sleep my life away, or sit in the living room, watching funny videos of Youtube to distract myself from the helpless feeling I get from small emotional episodes throughout the day. I hate myself for feeling like I have no one to turn to. I hate feeling like that if I tell my parents I feel depressed, they'll treat me like a bombshell waiting to go off. I hate feeling like my husband thinks I'm over reacting. I hate everything about me. I hate how I look, I hate how I feel, I hate how I can't even talk to my doctor about this. I hate being so emotionally detached to think I am utterly, and hopelessly alone.

[Agora1]

Delfina97, that's a lot of "hate" going on in your life. It sounds like depression and boredom and loss of self confidence. We all need something to be passionate about.

A reason for waking up each day. It's never too late to reach for your dream. You sound like

you are young. You may not have reached your peak yet. Usually for women it happens

in their 30's. At least it did for me. I knew who I was and what I wanted in life. I was not

only confident in myself but ready to take on a challenge. You are not alone Delfina, just

a little lost right now, but things will change when you're ready. xx

[B4andafter]

Hello Anna, I think with so many options that women didn't have before, it can be a herculean effort to determine what job or career path to take and fear of making the wrong decision can paralyze you so it's easier to do nothing. Sure we hear that "we" should do something we are passionate about, but reality plays into it in terms of how much one can make doing it. Money might not make you happy, but it sure makes being miserable a lot more pleasant! Perhaps examining what you don't want to do as a job or career and how much you think you need to earn for a comfortable lifestyle might narrow the options? Search the web for hot jobs and career trends in the next 10 years. Some colleges may offer night-time courses to address current job shortages. The healthcare field is one area that's growing due to the ageing population and technical trade schools are looking to recruit more women into traditionally male jobs. If you feel your physical symptoms are getting worse, it would be a good idea to go for a physical checkup. You may be low in iron. And, take the opportunity to share how you're feeling with your doctor as they are the ones best to help you.