Depression spiral

[ck1995]

My depression has been very bad. I have been on psych meds since adolescence but I’ve been on a wait list for almost a year for a new psychiatrist currently my pcp is prescribing. Insurance sucks. I’m in grad school and my depression is spiraling (the cold and dark doesn’t help). I have been having suicidal thoughts (I’m safe) and I’ve been having thoughts of self harm (I’m safe). They’re so intrusive and mostly at night when my anxiety comes. I feel so overwhelmed and sad and I don’t want to burden anyone. No one understands how much I’m struggling because I look like I’m together but I’m not. My home life is a mess and I’m going crazy. I hate this. Please help how do you get through it?

[Agora1]

ck1995, This seems to be a sign of our times in that the waiting lists are

long to see a therapist or doctor for mental health issues. However, when

intrusive thoughts and struggle begin with self harm, it's in your best interest

and safety to let your PCP know what's going on. You are not being a burden or

bothering anyone. You need help now, not months from now. Contact your PCP

who may be able to get you in earlier, give you another referral or advise you to

go through the ER.

This is about you and your life. I wish you well in getting to see someone soon. x

[ck1995 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you I appreciate it

[a_work_in_progress]

Hi ck1995,

I just found this site about 10 min ago

I am going through some of the same as you "No one understands how much I’m struggling because I look like I’m together but I’m not." It really is hard

[Hidden]

Imagines with my happy childhood play in front of my eyes. When time passed and I grew up I was more and more unhappy, with physical manifestation of depression and anxiety. Today I'm lost in this life, feeling that I missed somewhere in the road of life my purpose in this life.