My words are frozen

[Runningfargal]

I have both major depression and social anxiety amongst other things but the social anxiety is the killer getting in the way of moving forward in therapy. I like my therapist, I know, logically, that I am safe with her. That said, when I enter the building of her office, I go from a 40 something year old woman who can make everyone thing all is okay, converse with people I know and look the part of “having it mostly all together”, to a spineless, weak, almost child like state where I shut down and everything I want to talk about just freezes in my head. I can’t talk and it’s slowly sucking the life out of me. I e-mail her my thoughts but even with that to get the ball rolling I still lock up. I’ve been through two hospitalizations, a suicide attempt and two years of meeting with her and I am still struggling to hit my major issues. Why does this happen? Anyone else ever have the same struggle? I feel like I’m chipping away at my mountain with a spoon...I’m tired and I want to give up.

[hypercat54]

Hi therapy isn't an easy option as it brings up very painful emotions which you have blocked in the past precisely because they are so painful. This is normal so my advice is to persevere. It may not seem you are getting very far but you probably are without realising it. x

[Skydreamer42]

Try to focus on the positive progress you have made. You are moving forward. Continue to write down your thoughts and express yourself however you can. Feel free to cry and feel weak once in a while, as I would hope the exercise will help you purge some of the emotions and pressure you are holding in. Feel free to come back here for reassurance. You are either stronger than you think, or you will have support enough to persevere, or as hypercat54 stated, you may have made it farther that you realize. You are facing a struggle, Runningfargal, but focus on your self interest, in that you deserve results by whatever healthy means necessary. Dedicate yourself to clawing and scraping for your goals, and resting when necessary. Respect yourself however possible. Look at yourself, at what you face, evaluate your challenges, and spread your thoughts in pursuit of handling those things constructively. Consider what may be the most or more healthy option that comes to mind, consider the opinions of others. Take on ideas that will support you, and reject whatever you find not to be constructive. I hope you will continue. Breathe, as breathing may be an important tool to persevere. Every moment is a chance to persevere, and a chance to go a little farther than you might expect... Every breath is also a chance for some downtime to reflect and rest. I hope you will find what it is that you are wanting, and that you will pursue what you want with whatever and all strength within you.

[Runningfargal]

Thank you both, it helps to hear this. I’m new to therapy and a perfectionist. I have no idea how to go about it and always feels there has to be a “right” way. It’s good to know process could be there even if I don’t see it, I need that hope, that insight from others right now to keep going. Maybe someday I will see it for myself.

[MomLeslieM]

Don't give up -- while it does seem right now you're chipping away at the mountain with a spoon one day you'll realize you've made a pretty good dent in that mountain! Therapy does take time but if your therapist also feels that you're making progress and you do too (no matter how small!) it's working. Remember - you didn't get to this point overnight, it took years of the anxiety and depression building so it won't disappear overnight either - as much as we want it too!! As long as your therapist is OK with you writing down some of your thoughts and discussion points ahead of time that's OK -- the other option is visiting a different therapist and see if you click with them better - but that's a pretty daunting task with social anxiety as well. So keep moving forward -- even when it seems slow that forward motion is what's important! You've got this!