Telling my mom I’m in therapy

[LibraryLove]

So I had a really emotional session with my therapist yesterday and it was about struggling to get the attention I need from my mom, since I have a lot of siblings and they more often demand her attention than I can. Basically we ended by saying that I need to figure out how to talk to my mom. It’s just so hard for so many reasons.

I was thinking about sending her a text, just saying that I want her to know that I’m in therapy. I’m afraid to tell her why - that for so much of my life I’ve felt so worthless and like nothing I do matters and I always thought when I got to this point things would change. And it feels like I’ve proven younger me right - that I still don’t matter.

I just don’t know how to tell her this, or she won’t listen or take me seriously, or she’ll get annoyed with me because I can’t be the one kid she has that doesn’t complain.

[IHadADog]

That's a lot of responsibility to carry - being the one kid who doesn't complain. No wonder it feels hard to open up that conversation. You do matter, though. You matter just because you do, whether your mom sees it (or knows how to express it) or not. Not going to offer advice because I'm not qualified and don't know enough about your situation. But maybe take time to think about what kind of response you'd like to get and how you could handle not getting that exact response. Would it help just to get it out there? Is there someone else (who maybe knows your mom) who could help you think through your approach?

Good luck.

[masa2333]

Hello. I feel your pressure because ever since my father passed away I feel like I need to be responsible for my younger brother and mother and be the resonable one in the family. I just kept all my problems in myself and didn’t talk to anyone and eventually I broke. I am now diagnosed with panic disorder and am taking antidepressants. I still feel like a crap. So I know the feeling.

On the other side, you have no one in life that loves you more than your own mother - she carried you in herself for so long and took care of you and loves you unconditionally. She will want to help you in every way! And by opening up to her, you might feel relief. You no longer have to hide it all in you.

[momonthego2019]

Its great you are in therapy. I'm sure your therapist must have told you that you won't know how your mom is going to react to your news. She may be supportive, she may be repulsed, she may feel embarassed, who knows. If you need to tell her because it will lift a burden off your shoulders than of course work out a way to tell her but don't set yourself up for disaster trying to determine how she will take your news. You aren't responsible for her reaction to you so at best, tell her the information, and let it be. If she is put off by it, that's on her. Maybe you didn't get the attention you needed and still need from your mom however, don't let that keep you in an emotional bondage. Life is so unpredictable at best. We plan, we hope, we have expectations and yet a lot of times things don't work out the way we planned and people act differently than we hope but we can learn and grow from our circumstances. Your mom seems to have a lot of responsibility taking care of multiple children so her perspective of the situation may be totally different than what you are thinking. Focus on being the best you. Not to please your mom or your siblings. Live your life to the fullest.