Failing as a parent

[Solaa_]

I feel I am a horrible parent. I dont like feeling that my emotions are taking over my well being. I find myself always so moody and angry. I yell for no reason. Get annoyed so quickly. I'm not affectionate. I dont want my child growing up with memories of me being this way and I dont want my actions to affect how she will be as she grows up. This is hard. And I try to be better but my crazy emotions and anxiety take over. I just want to be ok and be the mother my child deserves.

[Marshall64]

I can empathize with what you have said. I am a full time single dad of a teenage girl and it is taxing. She is normally a sweet girl but she is a teenager so there is some attitude. At the same time she wants a lot of attention and affection which she deserves. Having depression makes me cold and makes me want to isolate and withdrawal. My daughter gets lonely and only has me to talk to if she is not with her friends. I feel like a bad parent if I can't give her attention or don't show interest in the one million music video she makes of herself or her creations in a program called Roblox.

Someone advised me to tell my daughter about my depression so I did. She also knows that I am going to depression support groups. I wanted her to know that my coldness or aloofness is not because of her, but is because of my depression. Depression runs on both sides of my family and I hope she doesn't get it. I got depression around her age.

[Solaa_ in reply to Marshall64]

Does your daughter understand? It great that you are okay to be open about your depression. I haven't gotten that far yet. I cant talk freely about it to others yet with fear that they dont really understand how I feel or what it is to truly be depressed and deal with anxiety. I dont think my daughter is at an age that she would understand yet.

[Marshall64 in reply to Solaa_]

I don't know if she understands it totally but she will at least know that my moodiness is not the result of her. Her mom is not in the picture so our relationship is close (much closer than I had with my parents) but we both need breaks from each other. She has sleepovers with friends so that helps us both.

[Beautyisjustmakeup]

I feel the same way, I get annoyed easily with my boys and I'm very moody! But that doesn't make us bad parents, it only makes us humans! We are overwhelmed by our current circumstances! In my case being a single parent with no help from their father puts overwhelming stress on me that the average person doesn't have!

[Solaa_ in reply to Beautyisjustmakeup]

My childs father isn't really in the picture. And although I have a great support system it's still hard. It just makes me feel horrible cause I can see how my actions are reflecting on her and she doesnt deserve it. I've heard her talking to our family and friends saying I'm always mad. That's heartbreaking because I dont want her growing up with that being a main memory.