Trying to figure it out

[lostandneedtobefound]

I have been dealing with my anxiety and depression for years. In 2016, I tried to overdose on Xanax. I have been doing good for a long time now but this past week I have had a death in the family that could possibly be from overdose and it hit me harder than I thought it would.

I started to contemplate suicide again and having no reason to live. I then started cutting on my thighs. I have never been to the point where I thought I needed to cut myself for a release. I have always wanted to just be numb but never cutting.

Now all I want to do whenever it gets bad for me I just want to cut to find a release from this pain but I don’t want to cut. Last night I tried to cut again but I just couldn’t do it. I want to get better because it is now starting to effect my work. I have a psychologist. But I feel like she is just there but not listening. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to be better. I want to fit in to the world to some extent and not be this constant problem for everyone else. Just so lost anymore.

[Hidden]

sorry for your loss and for how sad you are feeling at the moment, think you need to find another therapist as it is there job to listen and get paid a fortune for doing so, so find one you like better if that is possible, often people seem to find one that is not to their liking so look else where. as sometimes it can take a while to find one that gets you.

[Made4Match]

Hi there,

I'm happy you're here and I'm happy you're reaching out.

I'm sorry to hear the pain you're experiencing and the weight it is placing on you right now. Life can feel so heavy sometimes and sometimes it can feel like we have no control over our lives. I feel losing someone can be one of the hardest things to experience.

I'm proud of you for fighting the urge to cut yourself. You are so strong for telling yourself "no," when it comes to that. When you're experiencing these urges, and you're tempted to harm yourself, what do you do instead? Are there positive things you could put in place that will help you to refocus your thoughts? Possibly writing or painting? Things that bring you peace and calm you.

You shared you're seeing a psychologist right now but you're not feeling heard. Is there a new counselor you'd feel comfortable seeing? Or someone else you'd feel comfortable talking to?

Though life may feel dark right now, I want you to know there is light. Your life has purpose, even when you can't feel it or see it. Your life has value, YOU have value. I'm here for you even when you feel alone. Please feel free to reach out to me through private message. I'd love to talk more.