Lonely

[Open_Mind18]

I know I just made that post and its all true however, I mentioned im human and have flaws, I feel incredibly lonely relationship wise and can never get the courage to talk to new people and instead on weekends I workout and work and convince myself its good for me then go to bed depressed and sad, its only comes every once in a while typically when I have free time, ive never had a relationship and it's my own damn fault... Tired of it it's the only thing missing from my life is someone I can love and protect

[Agora1]

Open_Mind18, it is a part of being human that we all want to be loved. I read your

first post and found it to be very positive. You learned from life and it's experiences.

No remorse, no regrets is what makes us go forward and living each day. When it

comes to having a relationship and finding that love of your life it is not your fault

that it hasn't happened. Social Anxiety or not. Physically you are doing well in being

able to work as well as work out. (I applaud you for that) Many people don't even do that.

What needs to change is telling yourself it's okay to retreat to bed which of course makes

your depressed and sad.

Working on your social skills with a therapist can help as well as doing research on

how to become confident in yourself building your self esteem and becoming more

comfortable in interacting with others. Finding someone comes when you least

expect it. Stay Positive and live each day to the fullest. It will happen when the time

is right. x

[Open_Mind18 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you, it truly helps, appreciate it

[Agora1 in reply to Open_Mind18]

I've been there as well x

[Calm_mama]

Hi Open Mind!

Have you been in therapy? Social anxiety has an outstanding prognosis, if you get the right help and do the work. Therapy! It will help so much if you go to a therapist who really knows Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

Here's a peek at some CBT:

crossfitcostamesa-knowledge...

This is for clinicians but it's no secret to clients what the clinicians are doing. The stuff at top is for clinicians only and is probably of no interest. Look towards the bottom - there are some techniques there that a therapist would work on with you. Look at #44-50 in particular.

Anxiety settles down as people gain skills and confidence interacting with others. The only way that can happen is with practice. A good therapist would take you through a gentle, gradual exposure to different situations and interactions with others that you repeat over and over- even though it's terrifying and makes you feel like you might faint dead away. As you do this repeatedly, and with the right coaching, the anxiety settles down.

There are also some social anxiety groups/classes out there and if you can find them that's awesome. The leader will actually do field trips with the group out into the world where they have to go talk to people. The group/class setting is nice because you're on a journey with lots of other people going through the same thing. Also, there are many good workbooks for social anxiety, but remember- to get over social anxiety you can't read a book- you have to go get a little social. Scary! That's why I like the therapist assistance method...

You sound like a very nice person who will make someone so happy one day. The love of your life is definitely out there. Not only that person, but a whole sea of amazing people are out there waiting to meet you

[Open_Mind18 in reply to Calm_mama]

Thank you, i will definitely look into therapy

[Essentiallyfree]

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this.. we certainly all have a desire to be loved and cared for, because we were created to be in relationships/community with others. So you're not wrong for wanting this. I read your first post and it sounds like you've got faith in God which is amazing! So I encourage you to pray for his will over your life, and to bring Godly relationships into your life. You're doing right by keeping your body healthy, so keep that up.. Maybe join a group exercise class? Do you have a church or a men's bible study group you could join? I totally understand how intimidating it is speaking to new people especially when anxiety starts feeding us lies like, "you're inferior to them. They wont like you. You're wrong. You have nothing to offer. You have too much anxiety. Nobody understands you" Keep your head up friend, keep speaking with God; he hears you and he sees you. I'm praying that you'll have the courage to step outside of your comfort zone and that you will hear the truth that God says about you. I'm praying that you'll be put on the path of life and light and that God will tear down the lies you've believed for so long. I have some wonderful resources on depression that I'd be happy to send your way if you're interested.

[Open_Mind18 in reply to Essentiallyfree]

Thank you this post really helped boost my confidence so im thankful, God is great and you are absolutly right that I didnt think of just to put all my stress on his shoulders and let him take me where he wants me, so again thank you for this comment, and yes if you don't mind I would look into the resources you mentioned.

[Essentiallyfree in reply to Open_Mind18]

It's my pleasure Sometimes we just need a reminder that he cares for us and wants us to come to him with ALL of our stuff... not just our good days. bit.ly/2wb9y1W Hope you're able to find something in this resource that speaks to you! Take care.