There is always hope

[Open_Mind18]

About 2 years ago up until 6 months ago I was dealing with depression, living off past mistakes, calling myself things like loser and loner, I didnt think anyone would care or could relate because when I was depressed I secretly wanted people to feel sorry for me, be sorry for myself was my only way out, I would leave parties early saying i didnt feel well while just wanting to watch tv alone, plus I have over weight and alone, and got into drinking 16 at the time btw. Nobody knew, not even my family i didnt think anyone would understand. Icouldnt sleep yet id tell my family i was going to bed and would lock myself away at about 7pm. I would cry myself to sleep most nights and some i woupdnt sleep at all the binds of the past continued to wear me down and devour me; my grandpa and I used to build bird houses together when I was little, id always get to paint them and we would go get lunch, play with army men, watch the history channel, and eat ice cream, it was what I looked forward to every weekend, then he got diagnosed with alhsheimers or dimensia about 5 two years ago I took care of him once and thats it, he died 6 months later and I didnt even get to say goodbye it was my worst mistake of ny life and one i forever will regret I loved my grandpa more then anything. Fast forward to 8months ago I found myself looking at the blade of my knife, that was the line. I closed the knife prayed to god asking for forgiveness and protection and I read and read psalms and proverbs knowing that someone all powerful loves my eternally. (Only my mom know about all this btw depression wise.) Something then inside of me decided I dont want to be a loser or a loner because I had also been rejected and missed an opportunity to have a girlfriend and missed both proms looking how good their life was now on instagram and Snapchat. My first order of business was i got rid of social media it is an unnecessary evil that ruined my life, scrolling my life away looming at people who had vetter loves then me, getting rid of social media is an amazing freeing feeling i also just ditched my phone for a month, and I started running, reading and weightlifting. Running is whats really helped me, after every run I felt great i went regardless of weather, and i felt i finally had purpose. You see when I was going through all this I felt like I had no purpose or nobody cares, truth is you gotta find the purpose for me I once wasnt able to run 1 mile now i can do 5, I made myself uncomfortable purposely getting a gym membership and going at busy times to socialize because I had serious social anxiety, or going on runs keeping my head up and saying hi to the person i pass, overall I feel fantastic now, I still live with the regret but that's only human. I found purpose and I strongly believe those who have it worse then I did can find purpose to, also david goggins and cameron hanes were huge inspirations for me. Thank you all for reading this

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What an awesome post you are an inspiration to all, thanks