I know I’ve written about this before but… I’m writing about it again. I lost my job of 26+ years back in April of 2018. (The company shut down. I wasn’t fired or laid off.) Now I feel like I’m doomed to not finding work in my “field” ever again. I let myself become obsolesced — partly out of being busy and partly out of being lazy or unmotivated. I learned stuff on an as-needed basis and forgot a lot of stuff because I wasn’t using the skills frequently. Now I’m looking for work and everything I can find requires skills I don’t have.
I feel like I’m just going to have to take some sort of crappy job (if I can even find one) just to get by until I can retire. What really sucks is that I feel like I should find something that will let me stay at home. My dad is 83 and, although he’s in fairly good health, I feel like I should be around to help him if he needs it.
I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’d be better off dead. If it weren’t for my dad and my cat there’s really no reason for me to be alive… and I don’t even feel like my dad needs me around that much. If I were dead my sister could inherit my dad’s money. She needs it more than me since my nephew is severely autistic — to the point that he’ll always need assistance.
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Lost_in_life
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Losing a job, no matter how long you’ve been there, just sucks. But it really sucks when you’ve made it your career. I know what it feels like. It makes you feel unmotivated, useless. But you would NOT be better off dead. I know it may feel that way. And it’s okay to feel that sometimes. But you have to know that no matter how bad it gets, it could always be worse. I’m here for you.
Ps. I have a cat too. And you can’t just leave a kitty to fend for themselves. My cat is my world. When everything is wrong. I just go squeeze her even though she hates it
Thanks. I know it could always be worse... I'm just worried that it WILL get worse. But, you're right about keeping it in perspective. And, yeah, I need to be around for my cat. I'm worried that if anything happened to me my dad would throw her out of the house to fend for herself. He's not much of an "animal person." He's not cruel to them. He just doesn't see why people keep them around.
Please don't lose hope. You are needed. Probably alot more than you know. I care. I have been through the depths of depression and anxiety and I know it can get better.
You lost your long-time job through no fault of your own. But you are not your job, you are a person independent of the job you did. You must have been highly valued to have been kept on for so long. Now you can offer those same capabilities to other employers. They will recognise your worth even if at the moment you don't see it.
Your new firm may offer training on the job if special skills are needed. Or your local Job Centre may know about retraining courses.
This is not the end of your life as you seem to think, it is the beginning of an exciting new chapter. You will face new challenges and surprise yourself how well you deal with them. You will make new friends, a change of scenery.
I tell you, after a few months you will say to yourself: "I must have been mad staying in the same old job so long. I should have done this years ago."
Your Dad needs you a lot more than you think and would probably be devastated if you left. Maybe stay with him, he will start to slow down more and more from now on. And yes Kitty would be so unhappy if you weren't there for him. Animals are important, not just humans.
Don't make excuses about not teaching an old dog new tricks, of course you can teach yourself new skills.
Thanks. The longevity of my job may have been more of a result of "complacency" on both my part and my employer's rather than "loyalty" or "value." I don't know of any Job Center(s) in my community. (Is that a "UK thing?") I just can't put a positive "spin" on any of this. I feel like things could or ARE going to get worse for me. For one thing, I'm going to have to drop my health insurance. It's completely unaffordable and for some reason (I don't understand) I don't qualify for Medicaid... sorry, I'm rambling off topic. I doubt I'll find anything (except maybe some crummy retail job) within the next few months. I know people my age who've been out of work for over a year -- though I know everyone's "mileage may vary." I know I need to train myself on skills I'm weak with -- but it could take months with no guarantee that it will pay off. Plus, I can't afford more current versions of the software I need to train on. Thanks to the encouraging words. I just wish I could feel even remotely as positive about this.
All work is noble. Take a job in retailing if necessary but retailing something that interests you. Send a letter and your cv by email to companies of your choice, costs nothing. Then work your magic to become a manager.
Luck has deserted you but it can return when you least expect.
I found a job for my grandson just getting him to send unsolicited mailings to garden centres, one arrived at the psychological moment.
Hey, what's wrong with garden centres, you must have them in the U.S., lovely environment to work in once Spring comes.
While I agree with the notion that "all work is noble" it doesn't seem like the general public or employers/management or even employees feel that way. As for working in retail that interests me, I can't even think of what that would be. There aren't very many book or art supply stores near me.
I was a writer working for ad agencies all my working life, then at 58 the company went belly up. So I took a job as an archive assistant at the U.K. National Archives. Mainly worked where the historic MI5 and Special Branch Police files were kept but found lost letters from Nelson and Oliver Cromwell and stuff about a submarine used in the American Civil War. The money wasn't as good but it was absolutely fascinating. Found MI5 files on people I had known!! Loved going into work each day though it was a different world than advertising. It can happen.
Well, I doubt I can find anything as interesting as THAT! ;->
Honestly, I think I'm only qualified to stock shelves or flip burgers... and I doubt I'll even manage to get those sorts of jobs given my age! Everything I've seen in my "field" wants skills that I don't have and I don't have the money to re-educate myself. Meanwhile, I might owe a tremendous amount of money for a health insurance tax credit that I may not have qualified for! I still feel doomed... and everything I do is just further triggering my anxiety and depression!
Lost-in-Life, I feel like you’re letting fear get in your way. It’s true you may send out 50 resumes before you get called. It is true you may do 10 interviews before you get an offer. It’s true the job may not be perfect. But maybe you should just try and see what happens. You never know until you try. You said yourself your dad is fine for the time being. Don’t let your last job define you. You are more than your last job. You sound like a loyal person and a great son.
Thanks. I know I sound contentious... but I actually know someone who's sent out over 1000 resumes with only three call-backs and NO interviews. There really is such a thing as "age discrimination." I know I need to try and see what happens... but I really haven't seen ANYTHING posted that I'm remotely qualified for. I think I'll just have to stock grocery store shelves for the rest of my life... if I can even get hired for THAT. I guess I should be grateful for anything I can get at this point in my "life."
Now is the perfect time to find something that interests you and start a new career or train up in your education and then get a job in your field. Take a break and do some soul searching and education. 26 years is a long time to be in one place, this isn’t the end of your life at all, this is a new beginning!
Thanks. I wish there was something I was interested in that I could actually make a living from. I make a lot of art but it doesn't really sell very well. (I've been trying to sell it online for over two and half years and have only made a little over $100!) I think I'm just going to have to stick with what I've been doing, "web design/development," and "re-train" myself, or just take some crummy, low-level retail or service job... whihc will make me even more depressed.
Wow that sounds really sad is there anyway you can up skill? I am sure your dad sister and friends and other family members would miss you dreadfully, I am sure something good will come along if you hold on and keep searching, do you have hobbies and things you like to do? all will be ok take care
Thanks. I really do need to re-train myself... but that's no guarantee that I'll be employable even after that. I enjoy making art but I have no delusions that I'll ever make money from it.
Who would look after the cat and your Dad if you moved onto the Happy Hunting Ground
You do not explain how old you are, however I can understand how you feel. I was retired when I was thirty seven because of ill health and I have not worked at my trade since, I did a lot of Voluntary Work for various Organisations in the NHS.
My work was so very specialized, So now at sixty nine I have lived nearly half my life unemployed. You need to understand if you can work it is better to convert your skills to something else. My job, we needed to retrain with in seven years to keep up to date.
I hope you manage to find something soon the longer you leave your speciality the worse it becomes to move on.
As someone who put everything into their work and lost it, I feel your pain and grief. I am so sorry that you are experiencing all of this. You have to take care of yourself. If you have the ability to do so, take some time to heal. Find something you enjoy and dive in. Immerse yourself so that you can start to feel good about you and your abilities. Talk to someone on a regular basis about your loss. Working at a “crappy job” may help restore your confidence as well. (It’s not the worst thing in the world). You would be using your most basic gifts and work to find your self worth. You are a Phoenix!!!
I feel much the same. Impending doom is what I feel for most of the day and being insomniac - my depression/anxiety and ptsdC keep me in a very low barely functioning state of being. I’ve even inquired about medical assistance in dying but as I’m not terminal, I’m denied a peaceful death while my my mental/physical state traps me in a low quality of life. Medication doesn’t work, too petrified to try EST-so we’re (many of us) in this together. I hear your suffering and can only wish those of us who suffer with mental illness could find some relief somehow. Some do, many feel trapped like me.
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I feel guilty for feeling happy 
Will I ever feel normal again
a feeling I can’t shake
I feel I have let everyone down 😢
