Im trying but..

[Melaxx]

Im 50 ( hate it) widow , socially awkward, totally alone , I’ve got Lupus , doesn’t help , I can’t move on , I’ve been alone for 5 years now, never been on a date , to shy to join dating apps , I’m dead inside I don’t know what I like, what to talk about, I make feel people uncomfortable because I’m so weird. You know if I ‘d kill myself tonight probably would take weeks before anyone noticed. A very lonely , isolated lady .

[jkl5500]

It sounds like you have all the symptoms of depression. I hope you are under treatment for it. In the meantime, why not go to meetup.com and find some activity that you would be comfortable with? They have everything under the sun on there, whether you're an introvert or an extrovert.

Please don't beat yourself up. Just take some baby steps each day to get out and be around people. Your self-confidence will improve each time you get outside. I'm sure you're not "weird". Depression is playing tricks with your brain. That's why I hope you are being treated for this. I wish you the best.

[Hidden]

hi malaxx,liveng alone is hard,im alone,for 5 years now,since my sister died.she had cancer

bad,i looked after her till she passed away.she was so good,i had not dun the bills or house hold expenses up till then,she was a teacher,better equipped than I to do things like that.

when she died she left instructions on what bills to pay.for the folling 3 years.thats how it was ,she was so wondefull.ive had to learn fast on bills and things,yes iam lonely but have

just got to cope,like you with memorys, of somone I loved.so your not alone melaxx.

[Hidden]

Being isolated makes us socially awkward over time. We need interaction to keep us connected. This social awkwardness can be reversed with time and effort. Joining this group is wonderful because you can work on those skills. Keep interacting with people, online and in person eventually. Medication may also help you because you do sound very depressed.

[Dilaw808]

I am so sorry, but so glad you got some of that out of your mind and off of your chest. Wow, I can’t imagine the pain you are in. But let me offer this. I am weird. Weird is good. The world is weird. But I would replace weird with different. Special, sensitive, creative. It’s clear you are in a dark place full of pain. I know that place. I imagine I will be there again some time during my life. Just try to find one positive thing about you or your life, even your home, or your talents, hobbies........anything. And go from there. I wish I could be there for you, like right bedside you and make you feel at ease and comfort you and share your burdens. I hope my post helps. Please hang on.

[Vintagegirl13 in reply to Dilaw808]

Beautiful words x

[socratesanne in reply to Dilaw808]

Love weird folks!! So unique and not so predictable. Bet you were a wonderful partner. Give youself time to griee. There will come a day when you will blossom forward again. If you never blossomed, it is time to find the flower you would become.

Try to find what made you happy if is was just for a moment in your life, then seek to recapture those moments. You deserve it.

I used to love bubble baths but cannot do that anymore, but I remember them. Loved candles, Now on this snowy night, I think I shall light a candle. All I need is to remember. Now, when I am alone I can do those things. My husband never liked candles, but I do.

[hypercat54]

Hi I can relate to this. Have you considered counselling to help with your social awkwardness? This could help you see a way out. x

[Melaxx in reply to hypercat54]

I’ve tried but made me even worst , I do try to be more friendly but I come across as fake ,unlikable, maybe bc I’m forcing myself and shows that I’m not my real self . x

[hypercat54 in reply to Melaxx]

Yes that is off putting coz people want to see the real you. I guess you aren't working at the moment? I don't know what country you live in but I am in the UK and I volunteer at a charity shop. This a lot easier than trying to talk socially to others coz it's just customers and there is no pressure. This would certainly help you get out and about. Oh and before you say you have health problems so do I and they are so keen for good volunteers they are happy to take you.

You need to do something which gets you out and about where you can practice your social skills without pressure. x

[Vintagegirl13]

Hey girl. You sound like me! Only I've been alone for 18 years since my husband left. I'm also very shy and hate social gatherings, especially if I don't know anyone, or I don't have someone to go with. I spend most of my days at home alone as I'm on extended sick leave from work. The longer I'm off the worse I get. I do see a therapist who is quite good, but it takes a lot to change the habits of a lifetime. I do have family, but they don't always understand. I also suffer chronic pain and health issues which also makes life harder. Where do you live? I'm on the gold coast and trying to join some groups of like minded people, but I'm not sure how I'll go. I wish you all the best, and feel free to chat to me xx

[Melaxx in reply to Vintagegirl13]

I’m in the uk, I’m glad you understand, people just give up after awhile , they just saying ‘ pull yourself together, everyone as issues but they deal with it , I sooo wish I could dust myself off and go but it’s really difficult. Thank you x

[Vintagegirl13 in reply to Melaxx]

You're very welcome.

Yes it is very hard. It takes me a lot to force myself to go out somewhere, even if it's lunch with my parents or a doctor's appointment. I just want to call and cancel all the time. I really have to fight to not do that. But this had taken me a long time. I have periods when I feel I would be better off not being here at all, but then I think of my son and how he would feel without me. He keeps me going.

Stay strong. If I can get through this, you can too xx

[Hidden]

Hi Melaxx I read your post and you are describing me! I'm 51 and have been alone for a while now. I just can't open up. With all this anxiety and depression, I have an extreme fear of intimacy. I feel old and very alone. Sometimes during the weekend, I have no human contact. My social skills have gone out the window as I feel awkward when speaking to people in social situations. I feel that I can't connect with anyone. Sometimes I feel dead inside. I have high functioning anxiety and depression. I have a job and do it well but am prone to outbursts. I often feel totally useless and have no idea why I'm here. I would never commit suicide. I wouldn't do that to my family. They are not aware to what degree I suffer. I don't want them to know. I don't want them to worry. Especially my sister. I love her so much, that love keeps me going. She's the only person I truly love. So I have found my anchor. She is my anchor. Joining this site has helped me so much. I don't post all the time but I read all the posts here. Reading you guys reminds me that we are not alone. We are not alone. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Sending you strength and love xxx

[Melaxx in reply to Hidden]

Thank you xxx