"The struggle after the fall" - * Possible triggers *

[AwolChizza]

2 weeks ago today, I reached the edge of the cliff mentally and somehow, this time around, took that extra step.

There have been 3 notable times in my mental health struggle that have reached the point of breaking but until this time I've always somehow, got past whatever it was and moved on.

This time however I'd already counted out number 60 tablet before really knowing what I was doing. Then after 30 second / minute blank gaze at the wall, I carried on.

In total I took a mixture of 4 types of tablets and 110 tablets before the thought of swallowing anymore made me feel sick.

A few hours later, for some reason headed into town (all abit of a haze) and ended up collapsing. Ambulance crew put it down to my angina and took me home.

Took nearly a week until felt 'normal' again, not fainting / being sick etc.

Now.. Well since I took that first tablet, I feel as though I've fallen off the cliff, landed on the ground, unable and unwilling to attempt anything.

What's the blankness? There's no twisted / knotted feeling in my stomach anymore? No guilt at what could have happened if the overdose had worked?

I have no desire to fight back, yet oddly have no desire to reach for the rest of the tablets

[Iloveart7]

I'm srr you are struggling so much! Sending you hugs!

[AZ1970]

Does your doctor know this? I would think he/she would have some medical advice about what to do.

[AwolChizza in reply to AZ1970]

Spoke to doc today and she's unwilling to change meds before speaking to cardiology specialist

[Bettybright]

Wow. I didn't realise things were that bad when we spoke earlier 😣 I completely understand where you're coming from but please reach out BEFORE you do anything so drastic x I send you a gentle hug and broad shoulders should you need to vent x

[AwolChizza in reply to Bettybright]

Thank you. Well I suppose life has two sides, the one we display and the one we really feel

[Hidden]

I took an overdose of Opiates about ten years ago, I was taken to hospital and watched overnight until the early morning , or so. The whole attempt opened my eyes and I am still paying for what I did to those who thought I was on my way out.

All I will say, see your GP and discuss the reasons why you did what you did. If you are going back down that pathway call NHS Helpline on Tel 111 or the Emergency Line 999 and ask for an Ambulance.

Remember the recovery after overdose can be very nasty and I would not recommend anyone to give it a go, you have been warned. Consider those around you friends and Family ?

BOB

[AwolChizza in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your experience, have spoken to the doctor about it all. Bloods done to see if any damages done

[kenster1]

hi my friend.gosh that sounded like me nearly word for word for most of the story.i would be going back to the hospital and telling them what happened as you may well have internal damage to your kidney.please do what I done I binned all my tablets apart from ones I really need.you don't have to suffer alone talk to your g.p family friends even come on here and reach out.why don't you take a note of the Samaritans number in your phone [phone] and call it when you feel low.

[AwolChizza in reply to kenster1]

Thank you for your message, I should really do as you did and rid of spare tablets but feel uneasy when reach a low level. Bloods done to see if any damages done

[kenster1 in reply to AwolChizza]

it may well be the best thing that you do.after I binned mine I actually felt relieved.every time I looked at them I thought this is the end of my world the next time I was pushed over the edge.glad I got rid of them.

[AwolChizza in reply to kenster1]

I'm taking what you've said / done on board. I'm feeling 'stable' at the moment so won't bin them and possibly 'rock the boat' but should things change, your road might be the one to follow!

[momonthego2019]

As you can see from reading these posts, people do care about your wellbeing. Once you make the choice to change the course of your destiny and get the help you need, things will start to get better. It may not start getting better right away, however every day you wake up is another opportunity to get things right. Don't try to do this alone. You don't have to.

[AwolChizza in reply to momonthego2019]

Such kinds words, thank you