My birthday is tomorrow...

[Lolita34]

But instead of being happy about it, here i am, making a profile and joining a online community support group for Depression and Anxiety. I feel like I don't really have anyone close I can talk to about this sinking feeling that has buried itself deep in my chest for the past 10 years. I type this as i cry, wondering if anyone will remember my birthday tomorrow. More so, wondering if this is going to turn out to be my 5th year of being single.

I get uncomfortable when I talk about wanting companionship. In my experience, heartbreak just isn't taken seriously. Any mention of it gets eye rolls, shrugs or empty "I'm sorry to hear that". It immediately gets brushed off. But why can't it be seen as a serious thing when it has left me in a state of trauma for the past 8 years? It has frozen my ability to trust and allow another person into my life. As well as incapacitated me from feeling any real romantic feelings for fear of getting the carpet pulled from under me again? In the rare occasions that I have dated someone, it's been brief because i get so completely insecure that i convince myself that this person is not interested in me all because they don't reply within 2 hours or whatever. Why is my perception of relationships so messed up? In all these years, why haven't i met a single person that has reciprocated what i give?

[Sillysausage234]

Welcome and happy birthday tomorrow

[JEG325]

You have just been talking to the wrong people, L. I was where you were at. Alone, single and afraid to try. But, a lovely lady walked into my life quite by accident. In fact, I met her on this very site! We've been happy for more than than 2 months and recently we got engaged. I moved 1200 miles to Florida to be with her. So, I tell you, hang in there, It can happen and when it does it will most likely be by complete surprise. As for someone to talk to? I am always around somewhere. I especially wanted to wish you a happy birthday in advance. No one should be forgotten on their birthday. Look, if you need to talk more often, I have 2 group forum sites you can join. All I have to do is add your name to the list and you're in. Both forums are small groups of 7 or 8 people. They would be happy to talk to you. Emily16 & Iloveart7, especially would connect well with you. Let me know. I'm thinking of opening a few more of these small talk groups of 10 people or less. You could join any of them you wish. I bet we can keep you from feeling quite so alone!

[Hidden in reply to JEG325]

Group forums sound great! Also very happy for you!

[chiara789]

Happy Birthday <3

I'm sorry that you're struggling with being single. I'm single also and I've been having the worst time dating. "i get so completely insecure that i convince myself that this person is not interested in me all because they don't reply within 2 hours or whatever. " ---> This reminds me of myself. I get attached to the idea of a person so easily, I idealize them and then I get so disappointed when things don't pan out in reality. I recognized this pattern over and over again, so I figured it had to do with me, not outside factors. I did some research about attachment styles and how they play a role in relationships. I suggest you do some research to find out what your attachment style is. It can help you understand why you struggle with relationships. The good thing is that we can change our attachment style with some inner work. Easier said than done, but at least it's doable.

I'm sorry you don't feel that you get compassion from those around you when you try to talk about your struggles. It's always rough when our suffering can be invalidated by others. Try to only open up to those that are compassionate about your situation. If you can't think of anyone, a therapist would help you. Talking to someone that validates your struggles feels really comforting.

As for the rest of your questions about why you struggle with relationships --- only you have those answers. We all have to work to be introspective and to figure out the reasons why we think the way we do. For example, if you have past trauma from your childhood, exploring that would help you understand your behavior as an adult. I used to think these things weren't connected, but I've found that everything is connected. As you understand yourself more and more, you can probably learn to be more compassionate toward yourself.

If you're interested, I can send you a youtube channel that has helped me realize some of this relationship stuff. Feel free to message me!

[HeyItsThatKidd]

I am glad that you are here talking to us. You've taken a great step, I didn't enjoy my birthday for events happened just days before however, I believe that somehow you can find someway to enjoy your day. As for the relationships? I cannot say much. I haven't had much luck myself, I haven't really had anything last more than 3 months and we barely made that. Sometimes we just gotta learn and find an understanding for ourselves. I think once you learn more about yourself you'll find many answers. If you feel overwhelmed, don't be afraid to talk to us. We'd love to help you and many of us here have been through similar situations and have a certain level of understanding, best wishes

-Kidd

[Hidden]

I'm also new here, but I bet doing this is actually the best present to yourself!!! We just have to realize it. (((HUGS))) HAPPY BIRTHDAY LO*****

[Hidden]

Do something nice for yourself tomorrow, the day is all about you! Read, take a long walk in nature, get a massage...etc. Focus on you and not "them" for at least awhile. Even 30 minutes for you. Sending love and hugs!!!

[JEG325 in reply to Hidden]

You are a genuinely good person, my friend! Adding you to my 'Creative Expressions Forum'. It's the only open one right now. But, it's a good group of people. We will ove talking to you!

[Hidden in reply to JEG325]

I would love to join your group, looking forward to it!

[JEG325 in reply to Hidden]

That is just a talk group now. You can join our writing group if you can make 2 of our 3 meetings per week (they are M-W-F 7 to 9pm, American EST). If you write, wanna write or do any kind of art, we'd love to have you!

[Humankind-BE_BOTH]

Happy birthday! We're all here for similar circumstances if not similar paths as to how we arrived here. You're among friends!

[Poodie]

Hi Lolita .

How are you ? I see your post isa year old.

It does need to be taken seriously. I hope the various groups help you learn more about yourself.

Have you considered individual therapy ?

It can be very confusing and difficult to understand when the rug is pulled out from under us. I know what you mean. I experienced a lot of hurt and anger also because I felt completely duped. It really took me years to understand but I learned a great deal from it. Once I was more aware, I became more careful who I gave my trust to.

I am not afraid to trust now but I take my time and pay attention to what I am seeing. It is a valuable lesson to learn in life. I hope you found the help you wanted and were able to move happily forward with your life.