Last ditch effort

[Kangaroo-KK]

I’ve dealt with my depression for years and for the most part I’ve been able to live with it. But right now, I’m feeling like ending my life every single day. I’m a burden on everyone in my life, my fiancé my son and mother and best friend, and what’s different now in my life, is that I actually want to end all of this. And I genuinely believe doing this will alleviate everyone around me. I don’t uplift a single person in my life and I honestly don’t know what to do. My worries are now how to do this without having my fiancé find my body and be traumatized or leave a mess or burden him further. I feel my son will be better off seeing as I’m not the smartest or most patient mom he could have...I just...have no idea what to do. I cannot say these words out loud to close family memebers or my fiancé...it would appear as seeking attention...so. This is my last attempted reach out. If anyone has any good reason for me to not do this, please help me enlighten myself...

[moodmeister]

I can relate to what you are saying. I know that it’s really hard. I bet you mean much more to your family that you realise. None of us as perfect. You are suffering from severe depression and it’s bloody hard. Really hard. You are so strong dealing with this. Plus it can be a difficult time of year.

Your son, fiancé and mum would be devastated. Have you spoken to your fiancé or mum? Do they understand how you feel? It’s difficult for people who’ve not had depression to really get it but helping them understand really helps.

Take each day as it comes. One day at a time. Make a small list of things to do each day to make things just that tiny bit better. Could be just one thing a day. It soon mounts up.

You are valuable. Important. Meant to be here. You’re stronger than you think and things will get better. Keep the faith

[Mumma_h]

Hey kiwi242, feeling your pain, I know exactly what that feels like. I just wanted to say I've had very serious depression before , never thought I'd be the same again, but have hope , because I did get better and even loved life again. You have so much to live for and though you feel alone you're not, the people around you love you , they probably don't know what to do . Have you tried telling them you really need the help and you want it ; they could be very happy you asked, could one of them get you to a doctor, for me antidepressants really work, they really help change your perspective. I'm in a low point again but I have hope that I'll feel happiness again. I can sympathise with you so much ; it's really horrible to feel this way , and there are so many here who know all to well how you're feeling. Please hang in there and keep reaching out , it will get better ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[mixed-emotions]

First off please don't end your life. Being a burden is a feeling I know very well. Don't let this pain win as you not being here doesn't solve anyones problems. Stay because you leaving this life will hurt everyone especially your son.

[melantha]

I am at a similar point as you. I’ve dealt with this depression for years and have considered doing that before, but it has never before felt so right. At Christmas I just couldn’t imagine sticking around until next year. It just feels so wrong and that I totally don’t belong. I know my family would be devastated though. To be honest I actually feel somewhat jealous of you if what you said is true that you don’t think your family would be all that hurt by it. I bet that you’re wrong though. Depression can sometimes make us a bit of a burden but that doesn’t mean you’re not worth it ❤️

Anyways, yes I am seriously considering just like you, but I have promised myself that I would truly sincerely TRY to get over this “the right way” first. I didn’t start going to therapy until this year and I’ve only tried two different medications so far (still using the second one but it only seems to help a bit in the anxiety department, not at all with the depression). I know that I haven’t given it enough of a chance yet. There are plenty more medications to try as well as other alternative treatments. It might work, it might not, but I don’t feel that I can justify suicide until I at least put in a good effort to try. I don’t know what you’ve tried so far. Hopefully there’s still more options you haven’t tried yet, but I don’t know your situation. Personally, I am promising myself to stick around at least until late this upcoming year (October/ November). If I still don’t seem to be improving by then... well I think you know. But who knows, maybe I’ll find some more inner strength by then. We shall see.

Best of luck to you ❤️

[Hidden]

I can relate to alot of your post. But one thing in particular...you said you are not uplifting to anyone.

That was me before coming here. I came just as you...seeking something to end my pain. And members reached out, just as they have for you.

And I came back, to share my story, share of myself, to try and help someone else.

And I found a purpose. I can't do it everyday. Yesterday my post was just like yours. I was giving up.

But I am here today because people reached out to me.

Today I am part of those reaching out to you.

Please stay. Join us.

You matter. You are needed.

I love you.

[Hunter73]

This is new to me....I mostly lurk. My depression has gotten worse over the last few weeks. Amplified by what potentially could be some serious health problems..Like I don't have enough fecal matter on my plate already? Some days, lots of days, I feel just like you. I feel like the only thing I say is "I'm sorry." My wife must hear it 20 times a day. Some days I cant even do the simplest of tasks that my beautiful wife asks of me. It's as if I can't do a damn thing. Not a single thing, and my wife must do everything...because her husband is a basket case. I know exactly how you feel. Yesterday? Never left the house. Anxiety too. I've got two children. They love me unconditionally, just like your son does. He will always love you no matter what. A fiancé? Whats he going to think if you leave him? Not fair is it?

He loves you. There are other people you have touched. You may not even know them. But you've touched them. There is much good left for you to do. Like raising that son. He would never understand why you left him. When I suggest to my wife that she deserves better than what she's getting with me, she just kind of chuckles..Tells me she's not going anywhere. She's going to help me get through this. One way or another. I know it seems bleak. It does for me as well. There is so much more around the bend. There is some really good news just over the horizon. Please stay. It's so unfair to the ones that love you. It's a slap in their face.

It is a very permanent solution to a mostly temporary problem. Don't punish the ones that love you. Stay. People need you.

[AZ1970]

Please don't do this. Imagine all of the pain you feel right now. You will be passing that on to your son and loved ones. While you may be struggling right now, and it is effecting them, it is minor compared to the pain they will feel losing you. Your depressive thoughts feel like reality. But they aren't. Depression lies to us. There is treatment that helps. Please go to the ER or to your doctor and tell them what is going on. Do it for your son. Don't pass this kind of pain on to him please. We all need our parents, no matter how young or old we are.

[Gertie1]

Hi. I too am depressed and anxious. I tried to end it all by taking a bunch of pills. Luckily my boyfriend found me unconscious and the paramedics came and saved my life. They then put me in a pysch ward and gave me a couple different meds that seem to work really well. I haven't felt suicidal for 2 years. I really didnt want to die because i have children. Stay alive for your friends ans family. Also if you feel like really hurting yourself call an ambulance and tell them that you feel suicidal and they can put you in the pysch ward until they can find the right meds for you. Ive been there so i can really relate to what you are going through. Just try to hang in there and try not to isolate yourself either