God, yesterday almost feels like another life time. I was young, dumb, and naïve when I graduated high school in 2013. The plan was to work for a year and then go to a college, but it didn't exactly go that way due to multiple reasons. Yeah I remember now. I was 18 and completely clueless. I was scared. I found work at the local chicken plant where all kinds of chicken were produced. It is the place where my parents worked at for most of their life and there I was now, right beside them. Cold and loud are the two words I remember about working there. You had inmates who worked there as well and people who liked to smoke in the dirty bathrooms and other public places. I hated the smell. My biggest fears were having an anxiety attack, loosing a limb, or passing out from exhaustion. So many faces. What a big place it was. I was working with men twice my age, triple my age, and so on. We were all the same, but what separated me from them was that in my eyes I was innocent, young, & I had a bright future ahead of me. Or so I thought anyways.
I met many people in there. Good souls. People who inspired me to get out while I could. People who saw some kind of goodness in me. They hated to see me in there. They knew I had potential of some sort. They who fought beside me were the reason I made it through those darkest times. A year and a half. That's how long I lasted in the chicken poultry. My brother Steve is the guy I will forever remember the most. This random 52 years old man who randomly came into my life gave more life lessons than anyone in my family ever did. Steve spent 28 years of his life in prison and he made it out to teach me from his mistakes. He taught me about friendship, survival, love, money, pain, and much more. The conversations we had made me forget everything else and I felt like someone older than my age. I felt like a man. Everyday there was a new story, a new adventure. Without my brother next to me, the days would've been longer. I haven't felt true brotherhood since those days.
Life turned around for me and I didn't end up going to school. I became sick and left the poultry soon. I worked at McDonalds afterwards, back in 2015, where I began to socialize with people my age for the first time. Must've been 20 then. Everyone around me seemed more immature. They didn't know true struggle. Working in the kitchen was a walk in the park. It was Christmas for me there everyday. It started out good, but soon I felt looked down on. After 4 months the managers became harsher and my co-workers were irritable to work with. I felt like I didn't belong. I missed the big paychecks and the family I had back at the chicken plant. I felt like a soldier trap in the civil life. There was only one girl in there who understood me, Kiki. She must've been about 2 o 3 years older than me, but we had so much in common. We were ahead of everyone else. I liked her very much deep down inside and I know she did too. The chemistry was just there, but we just never confessed to each other. Things were just sort of complicated and now I kind of look back and wonder what ever became of her.
Pizza Hut, Auto Parts, cleaning apartments, Family Dollar, Dairy Queen, and Walgreens. Those are the places I've worked in the last 5 years. Every place has an amazing story of its own to be told. Time after time again and again there is always something or someone there in the darkness like a beacon of light that keeps me going and striving forward. I can't forget the words spoken or the memories we shared. I can't name all the faces, but I remember them. I have grown older now. My innocence feels gone. I am more pessimistic and desperate. I see things without the eyes of a child, but when I think of the road where I started from and all the experiences I've gained, I cant help but feel thankful. I didn't graduate from college, but I graduated from knowing who I am. I learned the skills I badly needed by bathing in sweat, blood , and tears. I put myself through many challenges and scary situations. Here I am now. Just reflecting. Just remembering. It's time to stop dreaming. To stop living in comfort. I feel like I have been sleepwalking forever now, waiting for a light that never comes. It's time to bring back the dreams of younger days. I have been living to serve others, but now its time to serve myself. This is for everyone who ever put their faith in me. Thank you.
it means alot to me.
Tired of 5 years of struggle.
Today's my birthday, but who remembered?
Remember me as MariaLove123? 
A throwback from my past
Today's my birthday and no one remembered.
