On Saturday night, I was in a negative place. On Saturday night, I was in a really negative place and needed a lot of reassurance, comfort and support. My psychiatrist ended up calming me down. My husband set me off earlier that evening and I really didn't know how to handle it. I did not want my pse to talk to him, because I was so embarrassed and I knew that he was upset. I didn't want to make anything worse. He wrote me an email on Monday apologizing and everything is fine for now. I just wanted to be close to him again, because we have been drifting a part for a long time now. He is never home and we really don't spend quality time together, like when we were dating.
Also, my psychiatrist reassured me that I don't have Borderline Personality Disorder, because I was really freaking out about that. Everyone I talked to said that I did fit the criteria and that upset me so much. I am not narcissistic, I am not a psychopath and I am not a sociopath. What do they know... As a matter of fact, I rely too much on others' opinions of me and if they say negative things, it affects me greatly. I have always taken things to heart and I do not mean any harm towards anyone. In fact, I am such a people pleaser to the point that I over work myself and I stop taking care of myself totally. This affects my jobs and is the main reason that I can't hold one. I eventually become burnt out and get physically sick. I feel that if I say and do what people want, people will perceive me positively. Unfortunately, I over exert myself. I am very passive and agreeable and I do not like conflict at all. I was wondering why people have always affected me so much to the point where if someone says and does something negatively, I take it strongly to heart and I become extremely upset.
I was looking up other personality disorders and I think that I really do have Dependent Personality Disorder. I really can't take care of myself and I rely too much on the opinions of other people and I do what they tell me to do. Most importantly, my husband and my mom. I miss them when I haven't seen them for a while and I feel like I need to be around others to function properly. I always think about what I am going to do without Devin and my mom and this upsets me. They help me out and have always helped me out so much and for this I am greatful. I feel like I don't have a purpose if I am not surrounded by others. I just want to make a difference in lives. I was even agonizing for months whether or not to stop seeing my psychiatrist (because my insurance had dropped) to the point of becoming extremely upset and anxious. Luckily, everything worked out and I can still do so because she and her staff is good people.
So... Yeah... I was reflecting on the characteristics of dependent personality disorder and I do fit them...