A Poem for You

[BonnieSue]

Hi Everyone!

I hope you are feeling the best possible today and stay that way! I have been encouraged to post poetry so...here goes. Take it easy on me if you don't like it, ok? I hope most people enjoy this. If it posts all wacky in form, look for another posting attempt for improved reading. Have a Blessed day!

Just Be (updated version from 1.22.19)

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Fly out over the ocean

Into the deep blue sea,

Stretch your wings far as they go,

Rejoice! you've been set free!

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Take a breath, dive deeply down

Into that deep blue sea,

Open your eyes, drink in the sights

And let yourself just be.

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Adrift along the current

So much now to see,

Feel water move along your skin

Soft corals brush your knee.

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The tickle of fishy lips

Startles you, fishes flit,

Away from you, panic driven

Into their holes, poorly lit.

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Hard corals are surrounding me

Some are glowing beautifully

Still others stand still and grey

Victims of man's careless ways.

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Here sponges have a sickly look

Nothing like in picture books

It saddens me to see such waste

And public trust so misplaced.

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As fading light claims your sight

Heading for the surface,

In most things seen, pure delight

But you now have new purpose.

[JEG325]

Awesome, my friend! Well done! We all need purpose. This came from your heart and was very expressive. Keep up the good work. If we finish our poetry project early enough, maybe we can post it tomorrow. Looking forward to working on it bright and early.

[BonnieSue in reply to JEG325]

Thank you much! I'm looking forward to it, too. Have you had a problem with the spaces not showing up between verses?

[JEG325]

I can't even get it to line up right!

[BonnieSue in reply to JEG325]

Oh, boy!!! Sorry about that!!

[JEG325 in reply to BonnieSue]

You can teach me how to....

[BonnieSue in reply to JEG325]

I think it's still your Word program...if mine didn't post acceptably, I was going to write it line by line into the message box.

[JEG325 in reply to BonnieSue]

When you hit send it can still mess it up. Already did that to me several times....

[BonnieSue in reply to JEG325]

Agreed!

[Iloveart7]

I like it

[BonnieSue in reply to Iloveart7]

Thank you, Anna. I haven't gotten used to your cryptic answer. Can I ask what do you like and what would you change?

[Iloveart7 in reply to BonnieSue]

I enjoyed it, it's got a nice beat/ring to it. If I changed anything I'd make the ending a bit more clear. Like what is the purpose?

[BonnieSue in reply to Iloveart7]

Ah, you found the weak spot without any trouble. I guess a rewrite is in order. To me, taking the break in the ocean and relaxing helped the person to think better and clarify the purpose in their life, whatever it may be. But I also think it would be related to helping preserve our coral reefs or other ocean life efforts. But just seeing the fish may have clarified a purpose like being a needed male or female role model for a niece or nephew who's lost that person in their life. The trigger would be that the child is crazy about fishing and always asking for an adult to take him/her. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

[Iloveart7 in reply to BonnieSue]

Your welcome. You reminded me to post my poem titles The Waves

[BonnieSue in reply to Iloveart7]

Did you ever post this?

[Iloveart7 in reply to BonnieSue]

I thought so...

[BonnieSue in reply to Iloveart7]

ok, I missed it, will look thru your stuff for it.

[mer8]

I was able to visualize while reading the poem. Love the flying and the swimming but I agree with some others, the end needs a little something extra so that you can really find your purpose when emerging from that water. Beautiful though!

[BonnieSue in reply to mer8]

thank you. ty for the constructive criticism/anaylsis.

[Hidden]

Great job 🌻

[NCAQuilter]

Love it! I am so awed by those who can write poetry, and like all artists, you make it look so easy. I felt cradled gently by the sea, very much like swimming in the Gulf!

[BonnieSue in reply to NCAQuilter]

You got it! That's exactly what it's about!

[Catwoman2018]

Wow! You write beautifully, I could actually imagine being in the ocean with all the fish and coral reefs and how amazing the colours would be.

[BonnieSue in reply to Catwoman2018]

Yeah, it's so wonderful to be there under the water...so much to see...