You said the same thing I’m feeling. Where are you from. I live in Canada. I mean what choice do I have? Stay and die a slow lonely death or fly away to another part of the world where no one knows me-only prob is-i don’t want to be alone. I would have to leave my dog behind.
I feel like this is it. That I can’t go on. I want to end the pain inside of me; the depression/anxiety/perpetual panic attacks/ptsd/IBS/emotional and physical pain. I wonder how anyone else feels? I wonder if where I worked until I was 55, where the coworkers physically and psycho bullied and humiliated me into such states of mind, emotional and physical pain, that I’ve wanted to kill myself every day since, and that if I did, and they found out about it, they’d all cheer because I’m gone, and they won’t have to feel in any way accountable for bullying me out of my livelihood, and career that I once loved? I wonder if the woman that I treated like a sister that I loved (and she told me that she loved me deeply) and that I rescued from her toxic workplace and told her she was a beautiful person and treated her like gold, until she started backstabbing me to pieces - if she would be relieved that I’m gone? she played games with my head in an extremely vain and selfish way. I feel that if I kill myself then I rid myself of the dread, the pain, the constant ache inside of me.
Im not a bad person, in fact even the police who investigated the traumatic assaults at my place of work told me I’m a stand up guy-a hero. Why did my friends and workplace not get held accountable for ALL the damages they done to me? I have no job, no home and no family (except for at my workplace -but they’re gone as I can’t work - they bullied me until breakdown and I’m too sick because the toxic workplace injured me more psychologically, emotionally and physically, then people who have a normal like could not imagine. I will relieve society of having to care about another sick person. I lay here and wish that I could wish myself dead.