Mental Health Assessment

[MindChaos]

I haven't posted in a while and shame on me. I forget that this forum is here until I get an email with some interesting message.

I wanted to post today that felony drug case is finally resolved with a sentence of 2 years probation and 30 hours community service.

I also was required to go to TASC, Treatment Alternative for Safer Communities. I went to my first TASC meeting to meet with a counselor to determine my treatment plan. I wasn't expecting to have to go over the last 25 years of my adult life, covering not only my addictions but also my mental health.

That resulted in a referral to a local agency for a mental health assessment. I'm supposed to go there today but I have mysteriously come down with a terrible head cold to the point that I'm running a low grade fever. So that won't be happening today. Now I've got all weekend to stress about this assessment.

I'm stressed about how much to reveal? How honest to be? I know that if I'm completely honest my entire world of lies and deception will come tumbling down. But maybe that is the only way for me to heal? I stand to lose an awful lot and certainly people will get hurt, but do I stand to gain more than I will lose?

To me this is terrifying and the thought of anyone getting to know the real me, including myself, is unimaginable.

As I'm typing this, light bulbs are going off in my head. Some are green which represent date thoughts. Some are yellow which tell me to proceed with caution. And yet others are flashing neon red, signalling danger.

My current state of mind seems to be the latter, but with different shades of red.

So for me it's bed rest and plenty of fluids this weekend. And plenty of time to feel anxious and depressed.