I’m not sure if I have any type of anxiety or depression. I haven’t been diagnosed with either though my pediatrician (I’m 18), but they have recommended me to get therapy.
I have been told that I may have social anxiety or depression, but I really don’t know.
Talking to people is pretty difficult, especially when I’m giving out presentations or doing speeches. My hands get clammy, I start shaking and stuttering, and in the back of my mind, I start to wonder how many people are trying not to laugh at my stuttering, or how stupid I look.
Talking to friends is hard too. I usually avoid them during my lunch period and make my escape to the library to prevent any embarrassment. Though that later makes me feel like a jerk; then leading to me feeling like they really don’t like me. I also feel like I’m just a huge burden on them for being upset or nervous all the time. They seem to look much happier when I’m not there, but maybe it’s just me being paranoid. Everytime I get upset with myself, one of my friends shows concern (I hope) and asks what the matter is, but when I try to tell them, I freeze and refuse to say anything; yet in my mind I know what I want to say, I just can’t do it. I’m pretty sure I left them confused as all heck and I really want to explain, but for some reason I just can’t. I just keep bothering myself with the conclusion that they’re just being nice and I’m really not someone anyone wants to be around.
It leaves me upset for the majority of the school day, and I’ve had to cry somewhere at least once per day because of it.
Basically, being around people makes me extremely self conscious; I worry about whether or not my face looks stupid, if my clothes look odd, if my jeans don’t look they fit, do they wish they were somewhere else, whether or not I’m boring, or if I look like a doofus while talking. I am also never able to pick up phone calls from anyone outside my immediate family because it makes me extremely nervous and I can feel my heart pounding. However, saying anything over text doesn’t scare me at all.