I have Sudden Thoughts and Impulsive Suicide Behaviors

[ImIconic]

I've had Suicedal behavior ever since I can remember. I've been in and out of the hospital. They've given me a ton of prescriptions to help but nothing seemes to work. I've decided to lie to my doctor's because I really hate being isolated. With the years I've gotten colder I'm not insane I don't think. I know what's right and wrong are so I won't do anything that'll hurt others. My goal in life is to repay my mom for raising me. I have a dream to fall in love with someone who makes me feel normal. I love someone but, I lost it all because the medication I used to take. It made me more depressed and to be honest I took more than prescribed as it made me blank out for a while. I won't try to fix it, I've done enough to be honest.

[fauxartist]

suicidal ideation is more common than was ever thought.....there are many here who have shared about this....but I think because it is part of the depression for some, that as with depression there is no cure.... only management and coping skills.....but never any complete relief. I have during my life gone into that darkness on and off, but I cannot imagine the hell of being there all the time. I admire your caring about your mom and wanting to take take of her...and as far as love my friend....it's a fickle mistress...and it's just something that comes and goes in our life.... there are no guarantees with love, as change is inevitable...so too is change in our relationships over time. I never believed in happy ever afters anyway's....so for me any love was good love for a long time. But as I got older....I realized that I had to love myself more before I could expect someone else to love me.....and love me warts and all.... that's a tall order for anyone these days, so don't despair.... I found love in my fifties..... so anyone can....

[Iloveart7]

Hey, just here to say hello. And your not alone. I recently had to do an inpatient stay due to it. I deff needed it and now my husband locks up the meds I was gonna OD on. I understand though what u mean by lying to drs. They seem to have the impression it's a medical emergency and u should be hospitalized for the thought. Which is often not necessary... (((hugs)))

[pink318]

Hi- I hope you are doing fine.

It’s good to hear that you want to take care of your mom, you are an inspiration!

I pray that you will have your heart’s desires and you will get better from depression. Take care and I hope things will get better for you, God bless.