I don’t know.: I don’t know. I live... - Anxiety and Depre...

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I don’t know.

13 Replies

I don’t know. I live with my in-laws. Father in law is a step and never has had a good relationship with my husband. So many times we feel unwanted, unwelcome. We have two kids, recently my husbands anxiety has gotten to be so much he can’t do anything. Even going on a walk is too strenuous. We don’t really have anywhere else we can go, due to anxiety work is hard to find/keep work. Our daughter is in school near here and we are feeling stuck, im feeling in a constant panic. I got into it with my mother in law just now because they are offended we are trying to keep us and the kids separate so we can be just us, we never get that and now I’m in more of a panic, my husbands anxiety shot back up and I just don’t know what to do anymore. My chest hurts. It’s like everything is working against us. And every boundary I try to set is offensive. I am weak, I have no pull in my own life, I am lost. I feel I am losing my spouse, I worry he will disappear one day, worry I will find him dead, and anytime I try to be honest and express this everyone thinks I’m dramatic. I am crumbling, we are crumbling. It feels like there is no escape from this, from anything. Trapped in so much negativity.

13 Replies
weegmack profile image
weegmack

Oh goodness, I am so sorry. What a terrible situation you find yourself in. I don’t think it’s great to be living with in-laws at the best of times, and I can see this is just too difficult for you.

Is it your husband who has the main mental health issue? Or do you both suffer?

Is your mother-in-law the kind of woman you could have a calm heart-to-heart with? She needs to know how hard this is for you and I’m interested to know if she cares how her son is. With the kids, could you set up some kind of rota in which you can let her do something with them? Like take them out, or have “grandma time”.

One thing I need you to know. You’re not weak. You’re strong, because you get up everyday and keep going. Never forget that ❤️

in reply to weegmack

Thank you I needed to hear that. It Is my husband, debilitating for him, I’ve had moments but I wouldn’t say it’s a regular occurance for me. The issue is he doesn’t trust anyone. He feels very negatively towards a lot of people, most people, even family. Giving other people time with the kids is very stressful for him, even just in another room.

weegmack profile image
weegmack in reply to

That’s really hard, I’m so sorry 😕. I think you’re coping with a huge amount and coping admirably well. Did something happen to your husband as a child, to make him so wary of trusting people? I just wondered, because I have difficulty trusting people, due to my childhood. It must be just so hard living with your in-laws.....as Maagaa says....I’d rather live in a tent 😬

in reply to weegmack

Growing up when reaching out ended badly for him usually. Subdued, hospitalized, or even the police called because they didn’t know how else to help when all he needed was someone to just be there.

weegmack profile image
weegmack in reply to

That is just awful. This kind of thing happens too often and then the person is too afraid to reach out. I’m so sorry. How are things today? Xx

in reply to weegmack

Yesterday things were amazing. Today, it’s a terrible nightmare. I can’t do anything right. One little things sets everything into motion to fail the next. I don’t know how to finish off the day.

weegmack profile image
weegmack in reply to

I’m so sorry 😞. Do you mean you can’t do anything right by your husband or in-laws? Or both? Xx

in reply to weegmack

By my husband. Today is apparently messed up because of me twice!

weegmack profile image
weegmack in reply to

Oh man. He really needs to get help. I’m the partner in my marriage who has the mental health problems (Anxiety Disorder, OCD, depression) and I can be really crabby to my husband and blame him for anything. I’m getting help for that. But if he has such issues with trust, I can imagine it’s going to be hard to get him to talk to anyone 😕

Maagaa profile image
Maagaa

I would rather sleep in a tent ⛺️ under a bridge. Sounds like your husbands family is very judgmental. Is it possible for you to get a job and pay rent for your own place? If your husbands illness keeps him from working has he applied for disability or social security benefits due to mental illness. Go to your nearest mental health clinic and ask for help

in reply to Maagaa

That’s what we’re feeling too! I’m going to have to get a job. It’s hard the youngest is 1 and attached so it’ll take some craziness to get past but we gotta do it. We’ve tried previously to get some sort of assistance and got turned down. I’m going to really have to work on him getting help to get to that point of him going to the clinic to reach out. Thank you for that tip, I’m going to look up and see what we need and can do

You poor sweet soul. I know living with anyone is hard but in laws are extremely difficult. Perhaps you and your husband could get some counseling, maybe join a community or church group to get some support and unbiased perspectives on your situation. You won't be able to move out until you are both healthy and functioning so poor all your energy into making that happen. Until then stay strong and don't give up. You are not alone and you have friends here.

in reply to

Thank you, reading these gives so much hope. He’s on the up now, I’m still a little heavy in the chest but I’m really focusing on getting us healthy and having serious goals set to aim for to get us free and finding individual and couple counseling to make sure we stay on the up!

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