Advice for a concerned father

[dbkdbk]

My son is 17 and suffering from sever depression and anxiety. The times he's bad are episodic and he's kind and apologetic when he's 'stable'. When's he's in the throes of it he rages, he sobs, he can be violent and I can not be near or comfort him at all. He focuses on his mom, my wife, and she get's all the brunt of it and his demands that she come home, stay on the phone, ... He's in counseling with an excellent therapist (MD) and starting his second month of prozac which has been helping. I just feel so helpless, he's been on the phone with his mother for the last 30 minutes, going through a range of emotions, and was sobbing so painfully just now, yet I know if I approach him he'll become enraged. My heart breaks because I can hear the pain he's in yet know I cannot approach him. When he is calm I ask how I can help which only makes him more anxious ( and I believe he has no real idea how I could help). I'm reaching out for suggestions and reassurance.

[maggief9812]

There is nothing worse than wanting to help a loved one who is suffering and feeling powerless to help.

You are not powerless, though. Just because you can’t take an active role to help him, doesn’t mean you can’t contribute. Is there something you can do for your wife to make her life easier? Can you help to lessen her emotional burden by being kind to her? If she is well taken care of, maybe she will have more energy to give while he is in need. I don’t know what makes your wife feel most loved and appreciated- whether it’s taking other chores/worries off her plate or doing something to “treat” her, or just being there to listen to her vent and/or be a sounding board for ideas on how to help your son?

Hang in there. It takes 6-8 weeks for patients to start to see a benefit from taking Prozac. Until then, he is likely going through a wild range of side effect symptoms as his body adjusts. Take comfort and hope in the fact that he’s taken a step in the right direction with medication and don’t push it. Be available, but wait. He’ll appreciate it when he’s ready.

[dbkdbk in reply to maggief9812]

thank you

[cortisolqueen]

I am so sorry you, your wife and son are going through this. I wonder if he is having panic attacks? I just want to let you know from someone who was hit with panic attacks, anxiety, and depression 3 years ago, that he is probably scared to death. I was a perfectly happy, healthy, happy go lucky person. Then I had my first panic attack which has led me down a journey I would not wish on my worst enemy. I would have never understood any of this if I had not had it myself. I am much better now but it has been a rough time. I pray the Prozac kicks in soon. I also have a son, and I worry that he could get hit with this some day. My doctor says its genetic and looking back I know now that my Mom probably suffered with it, but she handled it much better than I have. I can tell you that if he is having panic attacks, it is absolutely terrifying. I have never experienced any thing like it. You honestly think you are dying or just going insane. That may be why he wants your wife to be with him. I was scared of everything. You really can't understand any of this unless you have had it yourself. Just be there for him and give your wife a hug from me. From one Mama to another, nothing could be worse than seeing your child suffer. I would keep this any day if it meant my son would never have to feel what I do. Hugs and prayers to all 3 of you.

[dbkdbk in reply to cortisolqueen]

thank you