I'm new here and anxiety is my middle name

[Olirocks7109]

Hello to anyone who reads this. I just turned 43 and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder in my 20's. On top of anxiety, I was diagnosed with ADD many years ago as well. I finally thought that joining a group with people who actually understand the battle might be helpful for me. I remember my first panic attack. I was driving to pick up my child from daycare, and I started to feel really off. I felt like I was going to die. I had to stop my car and couldn't drive for a week after that. It was after that incident I was diagnosed. I remember during that time, I had a lot of different stressors in my life.

Back to present, my anxiety has been off the charts for a while. For the past year and a half, I've been dealing with another batch of stressors. My sister passed away unexpectedly in February. We were very close so it's been rough. I've had two surgeries for rare conditions. During my recovery for my 2nd surgery, my sister passed 2 weeks into it. We had to pack, fix up and sell her house and take in her 6 doggies who were her children. We bought a house and so on. So a lot has gone on.

Trying to talk to and explain how you feel to people who don't experience this issue is hard because they don't understand. Sometimes I can't even wrap my head around why I feel this way. I get the "calm down" or "just relax" when they don't realize that I wish it was that easy because that is all I want to do. I'm a compulsive worrier and my sister passing exasperated that feeling. I'm afraid of losing people now. We have a small family so this was an extreme loss for us. If I can't get in touch with my mom or other family right away, I freak out. I can't get out of my own head and my mind always goes to the worst thing. If I feel any strange pain or feeling, I get concerned about what it is. I know anxiety plays tricks on you, but that doesn't stop me from being worried.

I think all that has happened on top of all the other life changes has overwhelmed me and is hitting me hard now. I hate being home alone now and going in stores causes me issues. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing it because lately it's like I'm feeling it daily. My everyday anxiety med is not working as much right now. I exercise, mostly walking, most days of the week but that's not helping. I tried deep breathing and meditation but it actually caused me more anxiety afterwards. Maybe I am doing it wrong. I use essential oils as well for calming and try other things to keep my mind occupied. I just want to feel normal.

Sorry for the long post.

[fauxartist]

welcome and glad your sharing here...this is a very nice group of people, and reading others posts and comments will also help you get to know them too....

[AZ1970]

I’m sorry for your loss of your sister. Death rocks our sense of security and predicatability in the world. It makes sense your mind goes to the worst case scenario, because you have lived through that scenario. Have you spoken to your doctor about this? Perhaps something more can help take the edge off while you navigate the grief and all the changes. Welcome to our group.

[sadBluebell]

I agree that you should definately be talking to your doctor........because.........1. Losing a close loved one, 2. having major health issues yourself, and 3. Moving ----- are 3 of the top stressors that any person can face ! ------ let alone having all 3 happen at once, and happen to someone with anxiety issues. : ( I am very very concerned for you.......please make your mental health a top priority!! You are so valuable and important to the people around you....it's okay if you need to increase some meds temporarily, or see a counselor, you need to have good support now..........so many times i don't recognize my own stressors and act fast enough to prevent a terrible downward spiral.........so please be careful and take good care : )

[IloveMary]

I know what you are saying about taking the pills and not working and making things go bad because of the pills.I am so sorry to hear but I understand and feel for you.I understand how you feel about your loss of your sister I loss my sister 2 and 6 months after the loss of my sister I loss my dad and I just take it day by day and hope for a good day.take care of your self.