Suicide OCD: intrusive thoughts

Hi, I have been having intrusive thoughts of suicide and just found out its called suicide OCD. Part of the harm OCD family. Im afraid Ill lose control and suddenly will act on it. So what I do the whole day (on those days) is that I try to think of all positive thoughts, why it's worth living life etc. Like I have a wonderful family, I am back in school. Life is just a miracle etc etc. So those are my compulsions. Really exhausting. And when I think a positive thought, my anxiety will come up with a negative thought, like "is life really wonderful" . My psychiatrist is slow in reacting. I just read that Zoloft is wonderful for OCD so Id like to add that to my wellbutrin, but she wont respond. Should I contact my GP?

Anyone else dealing with this? I know Im not the only one.

Oh in the past I was afraid of harming other people, not myself.

thx

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I can tell you that even though I will never take my own life, it is a big part of my thought process.

I have come to understand that I reach a point where I am overwhelmed by life and deciding to give up has a calming effect. It eases the anxiety.

It allows me to calm down.

Eventually I move on.

I would rather shoulder the burden than leave my loved ones with it.

Keep fighting.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

thank you so much for your reply. The support here is always great

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You are welcome.

And you are not alone.

Reaching out is indicative of a desire to get better...to live.

We have good days and bad days.

Remember the good days if you can.