Hello everyone, I hope you are all having a good morning 
Yes, this is going to be another long post, but I think it is worth the read if it applies to you. Not all of it will apply to you, but if it does, I really really hope it helps. Under no circumstances am I saying this is what you must do- no pressure here.
I wanted to share some of the things that have helped and are continuing to help me. First, I want to let you know that I am in the U.S, North Carolina specifically, so some of these things may not apply to you. I also want to share that I went several years without seeking help because I was too afraid/shy/embarassed to speak up. I come from a family that everything is kept hush-hush, and no one speaks of anything that could make the family look bad. I get it, I really do- it is so hard to come to terms that something may be "wrong" with you. There's really nothing wrong because it is okay to not be okay. It is okay to be different. BUT, I learned that it is not okay to not get help- meaning, get help now because it will change your life for the better. I've been there, thinking that suicide is the only way out. I've been there, attempted suicide and ending up hospitalized. I've been there, the feelings of emptiness and hopelessness. I've been there, unable to leave my house for two years because I was agoraphobic. I've had the heart-pounding, tingling, mind-racing, impending doom panic attacks. All of everything I experienced and still do experience absolutely sucks at times. I've lost friends due to misunderstandings. We all experience something different when we go through these episodes, but I promise you there is something to look forward to. I promise you it is worth it. Your life does matter. You matter.
Resources/things that have helped me:
(seek professional help if you can, that will always be my first suggestion, but ultimately find what works for you. what works for me may not work for you. these are only suggestions from my personal experience)
1. Telling my doctor- Four years ago I started the conversation of feeling depressed. I was scared to tell him certain thoughts that I had and history of being hospitalized, etc. I was not in control of my body/mind and that was terrifying. I was new to opening up and since no one in my family talked about mental health, I didn't know what to expect. Talking to my doctor was one of the best things I did because she referred me to an excellent neuropsychiatric center. This got things rolling.
2. Being honest/opening up with my psychiatrist- Our providers cannot properly help us if we are not telling them everything. I understand it can be scary, but what's even scarier is possibly being misdiagnosed because we didn't speak up. That happened to me. I was afraid to tell them some of my thoughts I had because I felt "crazy" for having them. I felt so misunderstood by my family/friends to the point that I thought it would be impossible to tell a stranger. Turns out, it led to a diagnosis, that led to a better course of treatment, that led to me feeling better most days. It was a snowball effect of things getting better- although at the time it felt like pure misery.
3. For panic attacks- These suckers wreak havoc on everyday tasks such as driving, attending appointments, work, etc. Although it may feel like you are not in control, try your absolute best to remember that it will pass. It has taken me years to get to the point to self-talk through a panic attack. I felt like my body/brain had betrayed me, when in fact it is the opposite. When it gets really bad, I look at the website I came across and that helps me when self-talk doesn't. Here is a link to the specific page I look at on anxietycentre: anxietycentre.com/anxiety-t.... I found it extremely helpful in understanding what a panic attack is and what the body goes through before, during, and after. Also, Dr. Claire Weeke's audiobook Pass Through Panic: youtube.com/watch?v=mZJI6_N.... She has other books as well that I intend to buy in the near future. By no means am I saying to go out and buy her books. Lastly for this section, Marconi Union's song Weightless: youtube.com/watch?v=qYnA9wW.... There is a 30 minute version, but I generally use the 10 hour version for sleep. I don't sleep 10 hours, but I like that it is an option so it doesn't turn off while I'm trying to go to sleep.
4. Support Groups/Group Meetings- This is a free site and there are other sites out there that are free as well. A dear friend recently told me about a site called Pacifica, and it is really cool. Here is the link for Pacifica: thinkpacifica.com/anxiety-p.... As with any site, comments may not happen right away. Please be patient. I try my best to give support, as do many others, and the sad truth is that there are so many people needing support to where it is hard to respond to everyone. Keep that in mind. For me personally, I pop on and off of HU and miss things. I like to message back as soon as I can, but like many of us here, things can get in the way. Another group I found is called DBSA, Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance through SupportGroupsCentral: secure2.convio.net/dabsa/si.... They offer online group meetings and I have personally attended. Most group meetings are free, some do cost, but I stick to the free ones due to financial reasons. Also, they offer more that depression and bipolar groups, such as cancer or support for family members of those with mental illnesses. I really like DBSA and am happy I found it. I really found that reaching out to these groups have helped me tremendously- again, not intended to be substituted for professional care, so please don't take my suggestions as the gospel.
5. Ask questions- Friends, support group members, family, providers, etc., may know of some resources out there to help you. My psychiatrist referred me to a mindfulness group, and I now look forward to the mindfulness group. It is something I never knew was out there available to me had I not asked. Maybe go in to your local DSS facility or Health Department because there are usually tons of flyers with helpful information on them. Things do not magically solve themselves and we must put the work in to truly get better. This means we do research on credible sites instead of believing the first thing we see on a noncredible site. I'm really not trying to sound preachy , but I have experienced first-hand the harm that misinformation can do. When we have questions, don't forget to ask your doctor/psychiatrist/counselor/provider. I have a hard time remembering things, so I found that writing a list helps. I put the list in my purse the night before the appointment, and I ask my questions. Sometimes I feel stupid asking questions, but it really eases my anxiety once I ask the question. If you have ever felt that way, you are not stupid- you are smart for wanting what is best for you. Please know that you are courageous and brave souls for speaking up, especially when it is difficult.
6. Set realistic goals- Often times with depression, we do not feel like doing anything. It can be hard to get out of bed, if we get out of bed at all. It can be hard to do many things, like return a phone call or text message, daily household chores, hygiene, etc. I have felt many setbacks from setting my goals to what I think I should be doing vs. what I can realistically do. I view it as an accomplishment when I clean the house. A huge motivator for me getting out of bed is my dog, and I take her for a walk around the block. Once upon a time, I didn't do that and my husband was the one who took her for walks. So I think back to that and realize that these are realistic goals for me. When I set unrealistic goals, it makes my depression worse, and I'm pretty sure it may make yours worse as well. Getting out of the bed and walking around the house may be a goal for you. The first thing I do now is I make up the bed once I get up so I am not tempted to get back in. This may be something that can help you and the more you aren't in your bed, the less guilty you feel. That's what helped me. Another realistic goal of mine is to drive around my neighborhood. For 2 years I didn't leave my house. I was petrified and I would have panic attacks any time I got in a car. I now drive around my neighborhood every day so I feel comfortable behind the wheel/in a car. Sometimes I ask my husband to take me for a ride so I can be comfortable as a passenger again. I have driven in a car through heavy traffic to several doctors appointments- this is HUGE for me. Baby steps. Please, go at your own pace.
7. Try new things- I would have normally darted away from the idea of a mindfulness group, but I told myself to try it before I made any decisions. Personally, I think it is going to be something I practice for many years to come. Try new things like meditation, mindfulness, journaling, yoga,etc. You never know what may help unless you try it. Per a suggestion from my provider, I started a gratefulness journal. She instructed me to write down 5 things I am grateful for each night before bed. The idea behind this is to think of positive things before bed. It can even be the same thing every night, but to do it each night. I feel lighter going to bed now. This might be something you are interested in.
I have probably forgotten some things, but I hope this helps if you are going through a rough time. Please know that we really do care here. There are resources available, you just might have to do some digging. You are loved. You do matter.
<3
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Feeling good! This group has been a great resource for me. I would like to thank all of you!
