It’s been awhile...

[Spirit19]

Hey everyone I’m not sure on what to say but I’m still struggling with everything.. daily things become really hard for me ... all I want to do is sleep I’m not working now because my mental state is so bad .. I just got out of the hospital last Thursday and ever since then I’ve felt weird .. I’m not eating much because my appetite is gone and that upsets me .. I have no motivation to do anything anymore I feel useless .. I just want to enjoy life ..

[Hidden]

It's so hard when we feel like this! Sleep has always been my choice escape mechanism. When I was really down a while ago, I googled "laughing" images. I had to smile - and it felt good.

[Spirit19 in reply to Hidden]

No matter how hard I try I can’t get myself to be happy ... I try to distract myself but it doesn’t work ... I feel useless

[Hidden in reply to Spirit19]

It must be hard to have to quit working?

[Spirit19 in reply to Hidden]

I’m almost to the point where I feel like I’m going insane ... I just want to scream ...

[Hidden in reply to Spirit19]

Scream, then. AAHHH!

Your mind is playing dirty tricks on you. You are not insane. You feel terrible and useless. But you are keeping me from feeling lonely right now.

[Spirit19 in reply to Hidden]

I’m screaming on the inside deep down ... my therapist told me that secrets hurt more than anything else ... and I have so many secrets

[Hidden in reply to Spirit19]

Yes, secrets are powerful, powerful things. Try telling your therapist one that makes you feel insane.

Secrets are a way of hiding ourselves, but then we don't really get to be ourselves because we are hidden behind secrets.

[Spirit19 in reply to Hidden]

When did I become so cold when did I become ashamed where’s the person that I know ... where are my feelings ...

[Hidden in reply to Spirit19]

I love that you know you don't want to be cold. That's right! Let's be hot. So much better. I don't know how old you are so I may be referring to something you are not familiar with, but I have always been Team Jacob, because he is so hot and alive.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I'm 50

[Spirit19 in reply to Hidden]

I just turned 20... I’m almost in tears I feel everything building up .. it’s nothing but a circle I feel like I should be better by now but I’m not ... I spent a week in a hospital and it did nothing ...

[Hidden in reply to Spirit19]

You are good with words! "Nothing but a circle"... that's beautiful and describes what I feel like, too, sometimes. The week in the hospital kept you alive. It told those around you that you are extremely serious when you say you don't feel well. What you've got going will take much more than a week. Instead of feeling "everything building up", you'll have to work on building YOU back up. Be kind to yourself.

[Spirit19 in reply to Hidden]

The depression is beating me down and I can’t seem to fight it .. all I did in the hospital was sleep and I didn’t go to groups but twice .. every time my therapist would get me I’d cry to her .. made me feel weak ..

[Hidden in reply to Spirit19]

<smiling> I've cried in therapy every week for years. Don't feel bad about that. Are your doctors trying you on any medication?

[Spirit19 in reply to Hidden]

When I was in the hospital they changed my medications to Prozac and serequel and vistiril.. I’m not sure how to spell them ...

[Hidden in reply to Spirit19]

I never even remember how to say them. I'm sorry that I even asked. That was a very personal question. But I am glad that you are being helped with more than therapy, as important as that is. I need to take a break from the computer, but I have really enjoyed chatting with you and hope that your evening can be better than your day (oh, I don't know what time zone you are in). I hope that your next two hours are better than the last two hours. How's that?

and google: laughing, baby hedgehogs, orange (and whatever your favorite colors are)

[trapis2 in reply to Spirit19]

You are completly free to post all those secrets on here. You are totally anonomis and I think if you get them out here where you are safe and see no one will judge you whatever the secrets are will free you so much from holding them in and worry about someone finding out. Sorry about some of the spelling !!!! Give it a try !

[Spirit19 in reply to trapis2]

I’m just scared ...

[trapis2 in reply to Spirit19]

I know it's a scary thing to have people know exactly who you are. You are a great person regardless of what those secrets are. By exposing them you will be exposing your most vulnerble self. That is a scary thing and that's why I encourage you to get them out on this sight. You are safe, you will be understood and will only find support ...

[MariaLove123]

Awww hi Spirit 💜 I’m sorry you’re struggling. I am not working either and I honestly don’t know what’s worse: working but feeling anxious and so uncomfortable or not working and having nothing to do to keep busy. What did you go to the hospital for? What about doing an outpatient psych group? It gets you out, into a routine and it’s good to socialize with people like you. The hardest thing is pushing ourselves when we just want to sleep or stay in our little bubble. I always tell people and myself; do at least one thing a day (whether it’s a house chore, a small walk around the house, light stretching or or a small project). And write down what you did and how it made you feel. It’s good to keep your progress on paper. Even writing about bad feelings is releasing and you can look back at your days’ moods. I know this so dorky, but I started playing crossword puzzles last week and now I play them constantly. My mind is so busy; it’s awesome not being in my head. I’m always here if you want to talk. I’ll be thinking about you and sending you lots of hugs 🤗