Daughter has eating disorder (bulimia/anorexia) also: anxiety and panic attacks. 23 yr old, full time job.

[Calm_Blue_Lagoon]

Greetings, my 23 year old has bulimia and seems to be anorexic. She has a full time job and lives at home.

Last night she complained of panic attacks (heart palpitations, rising fear chemicals, tremors on face and lips.) She says she has been living with anxiety for some time.

She took herself to the emergency room 1 week ago: uncontrollable vomiting that contained blood. Since that events, panic and anxiety has ramped up many orders of magnitude .

It is hard for me to talk to her in the appropriate way, without her getting defensive and angry. Plus the disease of bulimia doesn't want me to get through to her.

But we agreed to set a "boundary" - If I find information that may be helpful to her, she would be open to having me email it to her.

I am looking for help:

1) literature / books / articles / apps - explaining these diseases and suggested management of the symptoms.

2) online support groups where she can find help (besides this one.) from people who are suffering with the same symptons and have recovered.

3) suggested people she can call to talk to about this (w/ phone numbers.)

4) 12-step programs, motivational speakers on youtube who know about this.

5) guided meditations that would address this.

6) recommended nutritionists who understand bulimia.

7) useful ideas for self-care during an anxiety or panic attack episode.

8) easy to follow "action plan" to tackle the symptoms on a daily basis as they come up.

9) therapists or "coaches" who accept insurance and can do skype sessions. (she works full time.)

10) Something uplifting to email her daily: Something simple - like "thoughts for the day" - 1 or 2 paragraphs - so she can constantly hear and reinforce positive messages.

Thanks for any advice or suggestions. As a parent, you know how heartbreaking it is to see your child suffering through this. We feel so powerless and hopeless and don't know to fix it or manage or control it. It is out of our hands, but we are trying to do the best we can in accessing the best information available out there.

Blessings and Love,

CALM BLUE LAGOON

[Calm_mama]

Hi Calm Blue Lagoon,

I am so sorry that you and your daughter (and probably the whole family) are going through such a difficult time. From one mom to another, I'm sending you so many hugs.

Is your daughter in treatment? Has she been in treatment in the past? If she wanted to keep working (which can be therapeutic in itself- to stay connected to the world and be a contributing member of society), could she do an IOP (intensive outpatient program) somewhere near you?

Here is something that may help you (so that indirectly she can be helped)

maudsleyparents.org/whatism...

Have you heard of this book? This book is for parents of adolescents with an ED. It is fantastic. With your daughter being 23, the dynamics are so different of course- she is an adult. But she is living under your roof. And so much of the information I think could be applicable.

The other thing I'll suggest is that the folks on this board have tremendously helpful suggestions for anxiety and panic. My personal favorites are listed on my profile. Maybe share some of these resources with her. I know what it's like to have your offers of help rejected or met with defense Maybe share them with her one at a time? Haha I know that works better for me

I do hope your daughter is getting professional help from experts in eating disorders. With intensive treatment, people can get so much better. Also, they would know how to approach the coexisting anxiety as part of the big picture. Anxiety is so common with eating disorders.

I am going to look for some more resources that you specifically request on your list, with the understanding that you and your daughter have agreed to the above list, and will send them to you.

In the meantime...so many prayers and hugs for you and your daughter!

[Calm_Blue_Lagoon in reply to Calm_mama]

Hi Calm_Mama, I really appreciate your offering some helpful suggestions.

re: eating disorder - No she is not in a treatment program. Most of them seem to be about anorexia and not bulimia. Why that is, I don't know.

She went to a treatment program 10 years ago and it may have worked for a short time, but not a permanent solution for long-term recovery. In the treatment program, she did not like her therapist and did not react well to the drugs they perscribed (high doses of prozac.)

The treatment was more about making the parents feel empowered that they were doing something productive to calm their own guilt and fear about having a daughter with an eating disorder. But wasn't great for the patient.

We were like, "Oh, whew, we did something that will help our daughter, now we can relax. Because we are good parents, doing a good job." But the daughter wasn't receptive at all.

In the end, it was her own determination and self-well that got her to stop purging. But then she relapsed 10 years later. I don't think treatment really gets to the underlying gist of what the root problem is. They only scratch the surface with a temporary bandaid.

True recovery from an ED is a lifelong journey and constant work. Not something that can be cured in 6 weeks. It can be subdued, sure. But I am dubious about the permanency of their methods.

If someone has had a successful experience, I would love to hear about it. Or if someone had a not-so-great experience, I would like to hear about it too.

Also, the websites of many treatment centers I've been looking at seem vague about what systems or therapies they use on the patients w/ bulimia. I am a bit concerned that either they don't work, or that they work but then there is eventually a relapse.

I am steering her towards either OA.ORG or anorexic and bulimia anonymous. These programs are free and offer support 24/7 long after the treatment ends. For a lifetime afterwards. I know that these programs do work for a large portion of sufferers.

Sorry for ranting.

I would love to take a look at your resources.

Thank you again. Blessings, prayers and love to you.

Calm_Blue_Lagoon

[SmilesLots]

Wow! I'm impressed with the care list that you made. You are a very caring and loving Mother. This must be very hard for you also. I don't have any experience with bulimia. You may want to find a therapist that specializes in this condition. Perhaps your GP has a list of therapists, support groups etc. in your area. Also, you can look for therapists in your area by specialty at psychologytoday.com.

I wish the best for both of you.