With my anxiety I always feel like I'm in a state of emeegency

[1bigzeus]

I have suffered with anxiety since I was 10 years old. I thought I had outgrown my anxieties when I met my husband and we started a family. We have 2 boys. When my boys were 2 and 4 my husband was hospitalized with an unknown condition which took his life 2 years later. My boys were now 4 and 6. This was 11 years ago. About 5 years ago I started to have panic attacks and overwhelming sense of panic or state of emergency that I could not get out of. I finally saw my doctor for this and he prescribed me anxiety medication. I took it for a couple of months but found that it would make me feel sick so I stopped taking it. Then I started to see a counselor which has now been 2 years. I was doing well until recently. I feel like all that panic and stae of emergency feeling has hit me and is drowning me. I have learned that my triggers are medical words or illness's. I panic when I hear someone is sick. I panic mostly over my children. The way this anxiety works in my head is that if my kids have a cough my brain immediately associates that with death and as soon as that happens my panic and state of emergency drowns me.

I am in a relationship. I have been with my partner for 9 years. He absolutely loves me and my boys. He hurts deeply and is frustrated at the same time because he can't help me.

I would like to talk with others who suffers and understand how this anxiety and panic is. Maybe talking with others who understand can help me. Im afraid of pushing my partner and my kids away. My boys are now 15 and 17. The most amazing boys ever. But my boys don't know mom suffers this way. I try to out in that happy face when they are around me. It's a very tough act.

[HelpingElbow]

Hi 1bigzeus,

I don't intend to put this bluntly but anxiety is a part of everyone's life. The extent to which it troubles people presents a question of whether it needs to be treated or managed.

For the most part of your story, I felt that certain circumstances made your anxiety even worse. I am sorry to hear about your loss but at the same time, you managing to put yourself together and commit in a new healthy relationship is nice to hear about.

Every parent gets bothered when their child/children suffer from a minor/major illness. However, you don't need to blow it out of proportion and imagine all the negative scenarios. 99% of anxious thoughts don't even happen and are utterly meaningless. So we shouldn't be focusing on things that don't hold water.

As you mentioned, talking to others definitely helps, but when other people start talking about their own anxieties, won't that make your problem worse? I mean, I don't intend to discourage but I have observed that when we start speaking about our insecurities and fears, the same comes back. It's like complaining endlessly without finding a solution.

So to work upon our anxiety, we must find a purpose to our life. In your case it could very well be like: finding happiness in your children's happiness, seeking comfort with your partner and likewise.

I would suggest you to wisely use your imagination to create contentment and joyfulness in your life. At the same time your partner must also have similar intentions. You said he gets hurt and frustrated because he can't help you. You also said that he loves your children. Don't you see the contradiction here? He is helping you, alright! That's great! It's because of the cloud of your anxiety that you're unable to realize it.

I personally feel that because of you getting plagued by anxiety since you were 10 years old, it has somehow become an habit you can't control.

I would suggest a psychiatric evaluation by a professional, which I suppose you got it done by a counsellor 2 years ago. You seem skeptical about taking anxiety medications which also seems okay to me, because medications don't do any wonders in the longer run.

Some tips from my side:

1. A long, refreshing, moderate paced walk (30 minutes a day) preferably on cool (early) morning or evening.

2. Deep breathing (belly breathing) for 2 minutes, 2-5 times a day (your choice).

3. Exercise at home or at the gym. This releases feel-good hormones and keeps anxiety at bay.

4. Finding happiness in other people's happiness (especially your children).

5. A warm bath for longer duration before going to sleep.

See how it goes for you. I wish you an healthy and happy life. In case you feel like talking to someone, reach out to me/message me or post on the forum. Would be happy to help you.