Since April 2017, I’ve been struggling w/ what some would call “double depression.”
I’ve had I unacknowledged dysthymia (but acknowledged anxiety) for my entire adult life. (I’m now 39.)
In April 2017, I found out for certain that the man I love was seeing someone else ... & choosing her over me.
And ... my “cheese slid off the cracker.”
I’m now seeing a psych for meds (as my GP was useless in this) ... but am STILL struggling!!!
Wow you got a lot going on, I'm so sorry about the deceit, it's cowardly behavior on their part, they should have the decency to handle things more up front. I know how it feels, it has to be the worst blow to find out your being cheated on.....my ex- was cheating with a friend behind my back for a year, and my so called friends knew about it....and I love your analogy of cheese off the cracker...I know it's not funny what happened of course...but it says it all....
I’m just SOOO confused ... & SOOO hurt ... & SOOO broken.
After having my son, I was INTENTIONALLY single for 12.5-years in order to focus on being a mom ... & to set a good, moral example for my son.
I’d intended to be single for the full 18-years, but my bio-clock overruled my good judgment shortly before my 35th b-day (aka “the death year” for women).
~~~
And I’d known this guy from high school. (I didn’t know him well, but had been friends w/ his sister.)
And he’d c/o his bad experiences since high school: two marriages/divorces & one (allegedly) alcoholic ex-GF.
(And I IMMEDIATELY felt SOOO BAD for him!)
~~~
* wife #1 - a high school dropout who (allegedly) has Borderline Personality Disorder & who already had THREE KIDS when he’d reconnected w/ her IN A BAR (w/ her three young kids at home) ... a woman he not only dated, but MARRIED & had two kids w/ ....
* She later accused him of rape, broke into his home & stole things, & filed for a 2nd restraining order after his 2nd divorce. [These are accusations that, despite everything, I still do NOT believe!]
* They divorced after 3-years of marriage.
* I later learned, from mutual acquaintances, that he’d (allegedly) cheated on his 1st wife w/ AT LEAST two different women. [I STILL don’t know what to think about this accusation, as it seems so contrary to my image of him.] But, if that were true, the timing would mean that HE’D RISKED THE VERY LIVES OF HIS (UNBORN) CHILDREN by potentially exposing them to herpes, syphilis, &/or HIV/AIDS in utero.
~~~
* wife #2 - a high school graduate who had 3-kids BY 3-different-guys ... & who he claimed that he knew was a cheater because “her best friend warned [him] of her history of cheating.” [Hmm ... that story sounds kinda fishy.]
* They divorced after < 1-year of marriage ... after she was (allegedly) forced to admit to losing her daycare job for “f***ing the dad of one of the kids.”
* He’d ALWAYS [possibly ironically] told me that he “doesn’t share well” & that his 2nd wife’s cheating had “just about killed” him.
* I later discover that (more likely than the “her best friend told me” story”) he probably knew of her cheating history ... because she’d likely cheated on her previous husband ... w/ him. (She had 2-divorces in < 2-years.)
~~~
* GF - an (allegedly) alcoholic school bus driver who (allegedly) “left [him] when [he] addressed her issues w/ her.”
~~~
* me - university educated w/ 1-child & a government job ... but who was told (by him) to “hide in the utility room” should his friends stop by unannounced. (“It’s none of their business what we do.” ~ & ~ “My friends are gossips.”) [And again, it’s sounding kinda fishy.]
* He’d mocked/ridiculed ME for not earning enough, even though I earn more (& have less offspring) than ALL his previous women ... & I was eventually told that I was “too much responsibility,” even though I can easily provide for myself & I’d never asked him for anything!
~~~
* I found out - for sure - about “the other woman” (another state employee who, at that time, had 3-divorces & 4-kids by 3-different-guys when he left me for her) in April 2017. (The ONLY reason I that even sought to start looking, in spite of everything else, was that he’d TWICE suggested having group sex W/ TWO SPECIFIC WOMEN: her & a toothless, married woman.)
* IDK when they married, but she filed for divorce in Feb 2018. It was his 3rd divorce & her 4th divorce.
* And just like his 2nd wife, she had 2-divorces w/in < 2-years.
There is a crazy back story here, I am so sorry you opened your heart so freely only to have it broken. I know how debilitating depression can be and I am so glad you are seeking help with that. After reading this I had reach out to you and tell you what a awesome person I think you are. I can relate to your "staying single until the kids are grown" theory, and I know how difficult this can be. You work hard, and you are committed to your child, this tells me a great deal about your character. It tells me that you are a strong, driven person who has her priorities straight, you are a minority. Please don't let this mans poor choices ever let you think any less, it sounds like he faces his own demons....... Praying for you as you face this, that you are able to get through things one day at a time.....
thank you
Struggling 
Struggling…
Struggling 
Struggling
