I think im getting depressed again - Anxiety and Depre...

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I think im getting depressed again

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A while ago on here I mentioned im doing better bc I got a job and im earning my own money. Plus recently, I started school this week (im in college). I haven't been feeling good. Whenever im home on my days off from work my parents seem to be very disappointed in me. As in they're happy everytime I go to work or come back from work. Same with school. Heres my guess, my parents ignore me and like it when im working because im out of their sight bc they hate me. I got home from school and im exhausted and literally whenever my parents come home I tell them hi and about my day all excited and my parents totally ignore and ask me if did chores or cooked something or cleaned. Like they're never interested in anything I have to say. So besides thats making me feel like shit and at work my boss has been pressuring me. I confess that im secretly cutting again. Whats the point anymore if everyone just ignores and sighs at me like if im a disgusting human being or if Im a lunatic. That makes me horrible and its happened for numerous years. I always feel like im either invisible or crazy to others when im just talking or being just me. Whats the point if even ur own can't accept u for who u are or care for what makes u happy.

2 Replies

Hi apulla14,

I just responded to another one of your recent posts & afterward saw this one.

First, understand that how people treat you doesn’t mean that you’re the one that has something wrong with you. Often people treat others in ways that are hurtful because they themselves have some shortcomings & emotional pains within themselves that prevents them from being thoughtful & loving to others. So please don’t punish yourself by cutting yourself. And, seek to learn to forgive anyone for not knowing how to treat you better.

Regarding your boss, you did not mention what kind of pressure you’re experiencing but if it’s anything outside of being pressured to complete your job duties on time & correctly, such as; discrimination or sexual harassment you can either contact your HR department or look diligently for another job or even a new position in another department at the same company.

I share all these things with you to help you to see there are other more healthy ways to handle what you’re experiencing. I haven’t studied much about self-cutting but I encourage you to seek help if what you’ve been experiencing is causing you to harm yourself in any way.

You’re in college. Your life it just about to take off. Life gets better despite the many challenges you may experience, as you take each unexpected unpleasant experience & let it strengthen you by seeking how to best deal with it. These experiences are like barbell weights at the gym. They seem heavy & you just want to drop everything & run away. But if you understand the proper technique to lift & carry them they build your muscle.

May the strength you need come forth for you.

To answer your question, the point is that you are an amazing human being who has a lot to offer this world. However, just like most, there are some challenges to overcome first. Don’t allow others to determine your worth – even your own parents. Your parents’ actions don’t define you. You may not be able to control how they act, but you can control your reactions to them. Refrain from discussing your day with them. Instead, share your day with a close friend. Someone who can encourage you and speak positive things into your life. I can understand why you are frustrated and disappointed at their lack of concern. It is certainly hard to be around that kind of environment for numerous years. But you should be proud of yourself for handling work and school so you can have a better future. Not many people have the discipline for that. Have you spoken with your doctor about this? Have they suggested counseling or medication? Also, please get help with the cutting. This is a very serious issue that you need to address. I will be praying that your situation improves and you find the peace that you so desperately seek. God bless.

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