Hello everyone. I have posted b4 that I have been thru severe sexual and emotional abuse. I keep having ruminating thoughts and horrible anxiety that is freezing me up like an ice statue , aside from the uncontrollable shaking. I rock myself back and forth, which helps a little. I want to leave the house but I feel like a liquid that will spill into the first storm drain I cross. I want to binge eat, as it is my destructive addiction. But I notice the more I face my mental home movies, the less the food can jam the projector (or, in more modern times, switch apps or hit ESCAPE!) So instead of eating I am writing. I like to write anyway, but it's hard to change damaging habits when you loath yourself. My depression fights with the anxiety on which gets the lead role on my mind's stage.
I guess that's about it for now. I want to wish everyone a wonderful day. For those who are struggling, you are not alone, never. Thankyou.
Thank you for sharing these very personal and difficult part of your life and trusting us with them. We are here to listen, support you and help you. Really glad that you are choosing to write instead of eat. You are making a conscious decision to do that and it's such a strength that you have, I can tell. Maybe you can continue to make these better decisions for yourself because that's where it all starts, with a thought, idea, a decision. Do you see a therapist or have you in the past?
P.S. I also wanted to say that leaving the house can be very hard but it is a fact that getting outside really helps. Maybe you could just stand in the doorway or just walk to the corner and back, to start. Why don't you give it a try and let us know how you do. I know you can do it 👍
Thanku so much IheartDogs. Ah I just got what ur user name means! Krolick means bunny in Polish.
I actually did force myself out of the house. It was hard as stupid stuff goes thru my head, but I did it. I do have a therapist and a psychiatrist. I will b moving soon so I b changing them but it's necessary .
Thanku for taking the time out to message me. U have really good ideas and I appreciate them.
So proud of you for getting out, krolick 🐰 I hope it helped even just a little bit. And good to hear you have a clinical team that you can rely on. Enjoy the rest of your day🌼🌹💐
Writing is a great outlet. Do you write prose or poetry or journal? Have you tried to rewrite some of the movies in your head when they are negative to something positive?
Hello Froggymom,
I love ur name!
Actually I do write. And I draw. I need to make it more of a habit. But the eating is a punishment as well as a coping mechanism. I'm so confused about what happened. My sister and I played roles for years so it's like what happened didn't happen to me. What I do recall as myself, I stuff with food. I have written some really ugly stuff that even I'm afraid to reread! But I realize things won't get better stuffing it either.
I do so appreciate ur bringing that up bc the more other people make writing a reality to me, the more encouraging and less frightening it becomes. I feel especially isolated right now as I face the true reality and can't whisk it away by mentally living as another person in, say 1984 again (for example). Doing that let's u really lie about ur age, especially when u believe it!
Thankyou for ur help as I sift thru these bits and pieces. I appreciate your help.
I am glad you are sharing with you. You are talented and smart. I hope that God blesses you a lot! It would be wonderful if we didn't have to struggle with so many things in in this life. Thankfully, you are strong and smart, and we all can do our best to overcome things. God bless you so much!
You are not alone either. Thank you for sharing with us! If walking outdoors continually is very hard, getting daylight thru windows can help a lot too. I do not know if it is possible to arrange a desk to face a glass door or a window, but besides getting natural daylight, which is so healthy, it could benefit you with making it very enjoyable to write. Walking in a backyard barefoot on grass could be enjoyable too. The fresh air and natural light are things that help us all.
Thanku HisDaughter. I really appreciate u taking time out to encourage me and for the complements! I do love the outside and will try ur suggestions. I do believe God does send people like u to help. Thanku so much!
Writing and drawing are sch wonderful God given gifts. They have been given to you to use. Do try to write and draw as much as possible. It can have healing power and can help others too. Thinking of you and praying for you.
Thanks sweetie. Things still keep happening that are not helpful. Your encouragement is defidently appreciated. I've been so jam- packed with stuff to do. And my depression and anxiety don't want me to do anything as its all so draining. I managed to exercise today and talk to my oldest sister (who understands my position more than anyone regarding our other sister. The two of them never really got along. My oldest sister doest put up with bs and someone not taking responsibility for themself. That's my other sister all the way. She's partially blind and expects people who see to take care of her stuff rather than learning how she can b independent. My dad is even offering to take over paying her bills. He's in his eighties. How much longer is that gonna last?! And she throws crap on me last minute. I work and am doing my own life. Plus I'm trying to deal with my past. Though she's not responsible for much of that either bc she was "just a kid." At 24? Even if that were true, I'm still very hurt and she thinks I'm being unfair. I cannot wait to b rid of her. She claims I have to b ok b4 she is but if that's true, she shouldn't say I'm unfair, let alone a bunch of other things she does.
I would like to remind the member to please honor the site rules about pushing their own religious agenda on other members here. Site rules are clear about that. Many of the members are of various faiths, and beliefs....and many are agnostic. I for one was abused in the name of god and don't want to ever be told by anyone I need help from god. I find it offensive, as other members here do as well, and it's why the site rules are clear. No religious rhetoric. We have private chat here for you to fellowship with other members who share your beliefs. Thank you.
keep writing honey.... you have so much support from women and some of the guys too who have been abused and assaulted.... it's an unbelievable trauma that there are no words for.... and I am so sorry your suffering so badly.... many of us are scared ans suffer still...... have you done any group work or one on one therapy with this....I am so glad your sharing....keep sharing as much as your inspired to do because I find it cathartic, healing, and it takes a little bit more power out of our trauma each time we safely address it... you are anonymous...safe... no judgement ... just compassion and love and kindness here.
I'm sorry Krolik6 that your feeling that way... seems to be a lot going through this right now... you not alone... you got lots support here and friends who will support you , so keep sharing about this because it takes time to heal... and I think sharing is healing. hang in there friend....
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