Who Cares?

[Lucydog]

Who cares that i spend my sundays all alone with no one to talk to? Who cares that i cant sleep at night and am crying for no reason. I worry myself senseless that i've made a mistake at work. No one understands. I cant talk to anyone as i only end up crying. I was looking forward to a day out with my hubby but the weather changed and so did plans. So here i am. Alone, Crying, Who cares?

[Hidden]

Why I feel we might do?'cause we are on the same page somehow!!!

[Afaaf]

I care

[fauxartist]

I used to think there wasn't anyone out there who understood this disease, or the loneliness we can feel sometimes when we are at our lowest....until I found this site. There are people who care....what has you feeling that no one cares Lucydog....can you share about it....

[Lucydog in reply to fauxartist]

I dont know myself just feel anxious , worried, alone, weepy, wake at 4am worrying about nothing in particular. Trying to keep busy. Going to buy myself some flowers in a minute. Just looked online.. dont want to take prescription pills on too many as it is with asthma. Ordered something from Healthspan (fingers crossed it may help).

Writing it down helps . but does not make it go away

[Arnoldkg92 in reply to Lucydog]

I’ll start by saying Hi and my name is Katie. I recently joined and actually joined like 20 other sites and apps that I am hoping will both help me with my extreme amount of issues (physical and mental), but focusing on my Depression and Chronic Pain. I have been looking for months and I see posts at the top of threads and I’ve never felt...able to respond. Then I saw yours JUST NOW. For the first time, I understood/understand what you said (I never claim to know how anyone feels), but as I read your post, I started crying in a mixed way because I was legitimately able to hear my own voice speaking the words you typed...I wished I could hug you AND that you could hug me back. Of course this one experience is not going to change things on a larger scale...unless I move forward with you and with your post. I know it will take time and I REALLY am so tired of using time on this because it may be better off and on, but all that seems to convince me of is that it’s never going to go away for good. For me, writing it down doesn’t help at all. I NEED in-person interaction and I can’t afford any formally. This is the closest I could come. But you already showed me (after MONTHS) that maybe I can just feel less alone in life or the world, even if I feel alone in each moment or day.

[Lucydog in reply to Arnoldkg92]

Thank you katie....just knowing their are people in the world that feel the same way helps even if it does not make it go away. Whilst I am buying my flowers I am going to see if there is a note book and write how i feel daily.

[Arnoldkg92 in reply to Lucydog]

I’m so glad that you understand the impact that you can have on others AND feel less alone at the same time. I hope you recognize that you have a certain strength and power in that.

I actually have needed to get back to at least one expressive/creative outlet so if you’re up for it, I wondered if you’d like to do the journaling together and check in with each other? I LOVE journals that I can have freedoms with, BUT some structure is good.

Would you be up for maybe (either through messages on here, or FB, etc.), just starting by like agreeing on a time either per day or on a few days to start with and then maybe doing it more often so we remind and encourage each other to keep it up? NOTE: I journal my thoughts and feelings AND experiences, and I LOVE to write poetry, and drawing will sometimes help lol.

Let me know

[Lucydog in reply to Arnoldkg92]

Hi Katie, Hows the journaling going??

[Lucydog in reply to Arnoldkg92]

Katie.......can you write poetry?? fauxartist suggested this....I am going to write a journal and put some poetry together....Join me???

[Arnoldkg92 in reply to Lucydog]

Lol poop, you beat me to it haha

[Lucydog in reply to Arnoldkg92]

I have started writing....when i read it back seems like I'm fretting and worrying about nothing though i know it feels like more than nothing at the time..My journal is by my bed and I'm going to write how i feel when i wake, then how my day has been and how i feel at night. Especially when i wake at 3am in the morning....SO get your writing instruments at the ready. Lets do this!!!!!!

[fauxartist]

Writing helps me too....and your right....this is a disease with no cure...but your doing the right thing by trying....looking for something to help with the symptoms....I was looking out the kitchen window making my coffee this morning, and just a slight mist is falling on the flowers and leaves of the plants....and I was just thinking of how could you convey this feeling of absolute peace and tranquillity, even if it is for just for this moment....I think by you getting flowers expresses that....something of beauty to focus on when we are at our lowest....you just can't dispute nature's beauty....it's a free gift for me...I do forget sometimes when I'm alone and in my room, and I am going through the down side of this disease.....but a song, or looking at the garden....the cows eating grass in the back field....it does seem to pull me out of my own head sometimes....I think that's the key....anything positive that can get us out of our own head....and moves us a little forward...

[Lucydog in reply to fauxartist]

I have had nothing diagnosed. What is wrong with me? am i depressed? anxious? Silly(my hubby says dont be silly)? Is it the steroids I am on? I cannot face the doctor.

I am going to get a notebook with my flowers and write my feelings down

Just talking on here is helping me

[fauxartist]

I would for sure go talk to a therapist if you can.....it's not your fault you have these feelings and even our loved ones sometimes just can't understand and can seem quick to dismiss our issues as a solution for you. It doesn't work that way sadly, wish it were that easy....but if you do have depression, therapy and where appropriate, SSRI's can help, not all of your symptoms will magically disappear, but you sure can be helped with coping skills and recognizing what your feeling is the chemical imbalance in your brain, and you can learn that these feelings will pass. You ebb and flow emotionally with depression, it's usually not all bad all the time....

[Lucydog in reply to fauxartist]

By the time i see a therapist......6 months through the docs at the earliest...... I will try and help myself first. there are therapists around don't know how long you have to wait to see someone privately or how much it will cost? Any idea?

[Lucydog in reply to Lucydog]

I have got in touch with a therapist group. Waiting time 12 weeks....lalala and cost £80 per session....

[fauxartist]

That seems to be the way it is with healthcare everywhere now-a-days.....just aren't enough when you need them and most can't afford them. Your doing good to journal.....and you certainly have a good group here that are understanding. I also like photography, I'm okay at that...I love painting but am terrible at it, but I don't care, I will pick up a brush again this winter. That and I love to write....have you ever thought of poetry or writing your own story, or fiction.... I am working on a project off an on for the last couple of years....it's pretty good so I'm told, so eventually I'll finish it....the guy who wrote lord of the rings took 10 years so I doing okay.

[Lucydog in reply to fauxartist]

Poetry..................I used to do that...............what a splendid Idea....I will keep a journal and write poetry....Thank you.