New and not sure

[SamSD]

I’m new here but have been dealing with anxiety and depression for awhile now. Usually I do pretty well managing it on my own. But lately it feel just like a little too much. I’m sure it’s very much stress related as I’m in the final months of graduate school. But I feel myself drawing myself away from my friends and loosing interest in work and hobbies. Also feel like I have been unreasonably grumpy and angry at people. And it doesn’t help that all I want to do is sleep but then can’t at normal hours. And then stuck with these thoughts of self harm.

I know I won’t act on these thoughts as that would prevent me from taking care of my pet who keeps me as level as possible.

I have had these same types of feelings before and did not really end that well. But in that whole process I gained a big distrust of therapists. I got the impression from them that they thought all my feelings were just because of an ended relationship. But this on top of family and friends not understanding or wanting to understand just made me not want to see or talk to anyone. And that has worked for years up until now.

I’m not really sure how to get through this distrust in therapists, or family and friends when it comes to this. Although I have access to some healthcare money is certainly tight which does not help the situation.

[Agora1]

Hi SamSD, you have a lot on your plate right now and it is beginning to show with your anxiety and depression rising. When it gets to this point especially with self harm in the picture, it is time to reach out for professional help.

I understand the distrust you have for therapist, family and friends feeding into you pushing everyone away. It's a normal response to your stress levels. It is impossible for anyone to understand or want to understand if they haven't lived in your shoes. It is the most frustrating and lonely feeling in knowing that those around you don't get it. It's not that they don't care, they just don't know what they can offer you.

As for the therapist. yes I will agree, sometimes they get stuck in an idea that you have one issue that caused the relapse and so they continue to address that issue. It might be better to get another set of eyes and ears who can hear you clearly this time around. I know that money being an issue can make it difficult to find someone else more accommodating in helping you.

My concern is for your safety physically and emotionally. Your subconscious mind is letting you know you need help. It is your protector, sometimes over reacting but in this case, it's right on. I hope you get the resources you need and soon. These are the final months of graduate school, know that it won't always be like that. Get that crutch that you need in helping your through. My best to you. xx

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Wonderful and grounded advice given to you by Agora1...I agree with her 🌼🙂🌼

[Tutumama]

I'm so sorry SamSD ! When I was finishing up college, I went through these same types of feelings for some reason. I think it was bc my life as I knew it was coming to an end and I would be expected to go and do GREAT THINGS as soon as I graduated. It's an eerie feeling, I know.

My advice as someone who had felt all of this also is to please go find another therapist. Maybe in a community outreach center where they can possibly help you for a small fee or even free of charge if they can. Many places offer this, they're just not that easy to find in some states or places. Every Therapist will not treat you that way, even if you do bring up the past relationship, so many are willing to listen and help you. I've found that most who work with children or battered women sometimes are the best ones that actually try to help (not saying you have been abused, just that those types of Therapists have always been more helpful to me with my depression and anxiety(.

Please don't let it get to the point of no return where you are actually harming yourself after you have worked SO hard to be where you are now! I know family is not very supportive sometimes, mine isn't either so I just don't tell them about it. It's sad that it has to be that way but we can't choose our family. We can however, find friends who are supportive and you can come here for that anytime! I've gotten some of the best advice here from people I don't even know at all but they have some of the kindest hearts bc they have been on this journey as well!

I'll be thinking of you and sending hugs and prayers. Please always reach out if you need a friend! Best of luck dear.