Social Anxiety--where do I go from here?

[musique11]

I suffer from social anxiety. The confusing thing is, I am a generally content individual. I cling to my faith in God, I have a generally supportive family, and I have a job that I am passionate about, working with refugees. I have struggled with anxiety for a long time, though. My main fears include driving, being alone/in dark places/heights, and many social situations. My fear in driving is mostly based off of the fact that my mom died in a car accident four years ago, at the hands of a man high on marijuana. I still often have to talk myself through this fear and use techniques to make sure it doesn’t become too debilitating, but I understand my struggles with it. I get that. My fears of being alone, being in dark places, and heights have continued throughout much of my life and I categorize them as just general fears that are not too debilitating. I force myself to do things that challenge me to grow in these areas, such as rock wall climbing, roller coasters, skiing, spending time alone anyways. I am able to somewhat talk myself through these areas as well. However, I would say that my social anxiety is my most confusing form of anxiety. I am fairly confident, enjoy being around people, enjoy good conversation, and enjoy the work that I’m in. I can be quiet and slow-to-warm, but I also am a very warm, friendly individual. But I struggle so much with anxiety at work that it’s become debilitating. Some days, I am completely fine, but most days my heart races, my hands shake, I have hot flashes (and I’m only 22, so this is not a midlife thing), I get a lump in my throat--you get the picture. This happens moreso at work than in other settings, but has also happened in less familiar settings, and sometimes even at my home where I live with distant relatives. It has gotten to the point where I hate going to staff meetings because I have to say “no updates”--2 words--in front of the staff group, I avoid walking down the hall more than necessary because I will have to talk to people, and I sometimes even go to my car to make work phone calls because I have anxiety about all my coworkers listening to my phone calls. My coworkers are such kind people, and the authority figures at my job believe in me, so there is no basis that I have found for this anxiety. As I have a bachelor’s in Social Work, I have spent time studying strategies for coping, and have tried to use these to process this anxiety, but to no avail. My struggle is daily, regardless of levels of caffeine/sleep/food. I want be normal and enjoy life as an average person, rather than being attacked by an unexplained anxiety. But where can I go from here? I would appreciate any thoughts/advice.

[jkl5500]

Are you receiving any treatment for your anxiety?

[musique11 in reply to jkl5500]

No. I hadn’t considered it much until recently, because I was hoping that I would be able to handle it on my own. I started my job 6 months ago now, and I was hoping that with time it would ease up, but it hasn’t. I’m hesitant because I’m not sure my insurance would cover it, in which case I couldn’t afford it at this point.

[jkl5500 in reply to musique11]

I'd like to give you some advice, and of course, you can take it or leave it. I've suffered from anxiety and depression since I was 15. (I'm now 62.) I'd like to save you some unnecessary suffering.

It's clear from your post that anxiety is affecting your ability to function. This calls for medical treatment. I know you would love to have all this magically go away, but it probably won't. The sooner you start treatment, the sooner you can start feeling good again.

At least see your family doctor, and tell him/her what's going on.

[dee_bells]

Just a thought but could you work your way up to be in larger groups? For example, start with socialization with two people, then three and so on. And write down how and why you get those feelings. Are the people looking at you, judging you etc?

Also have you heard of “Ted Talks?” Search on YouTube because they have short talks on a wide variety of topics and hopefully you’ll find something on socialization.

I hope that helps and good luck! 😉