Looking for Advice

[Airwinger19]

Hello everyone! I just joined because my wife is currently suffering with anxiety and depression and I was looking for advice on how to relate to her and make her feel like she’s not all alone and she’s perfectly normal

[Hidden]

How wonderful and caring to reach out! Living with anxiety and depression is really hard on the individual and the family. She wants to just “be normal” but can’t. She may try really hard but inside are the same feelings. Personally I have found it takes a lot of different approaches, loving support is definitely one, medication, therapy, journaling, a 12 step group or support group, having a personal goal or working toward something like a vocation or education, a faith life that is active, reading books or listening to books, YouTube of other people’s journey I recommend Douglas Bloch and Claire Weekes. Everyday can feel like a struggle, but little daily victories add up. Encourage her to try something however small, to accomplish. Going to the grocery store alone or attending a 12 step meeting are both examples of big daily accomplishments.

[Hidden]

Do you think you could make a suggestion and see if she would think about joining this Site as well? It could be worth a Shot! Take Care

[Airwinger19 in reply to Hidden]

She actually just joined

[Hidden in reply to Airwinger19]

That's good. I really hope she can find some comfort here

[Hidden]

Hi Airwinger,

I think it is wonderful you are seeking help for your wife. As a wife with mental health issues, I can understand how difficult it makes things for everyone in the household. I often feel horribly guilty for my behavior, and desperately want to be 'normal', but it seems out of reach. Anti-depressants may help, it would be a good idea to speak with your physician and see if this is a good decision. Seeing a talk therapist helped me tremendously in the past. Continue to reassure her that she is a normal person, and it is NOT HER FAULT that she is having difficulty. Being kind and supportive is often the best thing you can do. It hurts so badly when your partner just wants you to be quiet and scolds you for crying, etc. I hope that you will both be able to find some relief and she will feel better sooner than later.

[IChoose]

She's not perfectly normal, she's depressed. That's not normal. When you're depressed you feel all alone, so that's the reality. "Instill compassion for self others and situations, no judging, no labeling."

"When one person is in therapy, the whole family is in therapy." "Therapy is stripping away the false self." If you really want to be a friend to your wife through all this, if she confronts you with anger about something, anything, tell the truth, be real, because a lot of depression is repressed anger. Let your wife know you can handle her anger, even if it's directed to you. Offer to go into couples counseling with her. Honesty and the release of anger is a huge cure for depression. It's hopeless when you're angry at real stuff and your loved ones respond with outright lies and denial.

If she's lying in bed under the covers not willing to get up and face the world, that's depression. If she's unemployed and can't bring herself to look for work, that's depression. If the house is a mess because she does no housework, that's depression. Don't publicly shame her by doing it for her. Offer to be right by her side facing the things that frighten her, and let her know that you know she can do it. At the same time, sometimes it feels good to let go of the pressure of being the perfect whatever and just let things go. We really do drive ourselves crazy about stuff.

Ask her what you can do to help. If she tells you to _______ off, you're a man, you can handle that. At least she's coming out of her shell. Your strength can strengthen her. There's nothing worse than having a complete nervous breakdown and the people who surround you are "fine" but too weak to admit that anything's wrong.

Something's wrong, or this wouldn't be happening. Be her partner in crime in addressing it and you'll both grow through the process, something you both probably need to do or this little trial wouldn't be happening. the only way out is through.

Never ever guilt her out.