I can’t wait

[jessmn62312]

Good morning. Well, my weekend was ok. I guess it could have been worse. My dad was drinking, and he just goes crazy when he drinks. (Self destruct mode). I know there is nothing I can do for him. It breaks my heart. He has lost his wife, who was his best friend. I miss my mom so much. I had to watch her slowly deteriorate, and now I am watching my father slip away too. How can I handle this?? Sometimes I wonder if I will reach my breaking point and just snap! That is why I have decided to get professional help. I can’t wait. I just want to be happy again. I really am in a hole right now. I have suffered with anxiety and depression and ptsd since I was 15, but I have never been this low, never in my life have I ever felt this bad. I just can’t wait to get the help I need. I hope it works because I can’t live like this. My husband is such a wonderful man and he is such a happy person, it’s the only reason I try at all. But he is losing his patience with everything. He just wants me to be happy but he doesn’t understand, it’s not that easy, And I don’t want to keep bringing him down.

[fauxartist]

I think when you get a good fit with a therapist it can really put your life and understanding this disease in perspective. It's not your fault, it's a chemical imbalance in your brain. I am sorry for the loss of your mom. And it's always difficult when you have to watch what this horrible disease of alcoholism does to the family member and it's over all damage it does to the family. It's true that 1 in 3 people who suffer from alcoholism also suffer from depression. So many mistakenly try to self medicate their depression with alcohol..but alcohol is a depressant after the first few drinks...so it's an oxymoron.

But to be able to treat the depression for your fathers sake, he first has to stop drinking, and if your father doesn't want to....you cannot help him, only you can change yourself being around him. The most important thing to do when dealing with an alcoholic is to not put yourself in the line of fire. Stay away from them when they are drinking...and if there are family events...let them know you will not be okay with being with them if they are drinking. You have to set boundaries for your own sanity and your own depression is made worse from his actions as well. Get help first.....then talk to your therapist about how to deal with your father.

[jessmn62312 in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you, you are absolutely right. I have told him that if chooses to drink and not get help, then he has to stay away. It just sucks. I feel like i live in the twilight zone. And It doesn't help that he will roam the streets intoxicated and i had someone send me videos of his behavior. One went live on social media. I live in the same town as him so, i drove past him the other day and saw him stumbling along the sidewalk. The feeling i get from that is unimaginable and i honestly can't put it into words. I am happy i found this place though, i have never really talked about any of this, to anyone, other than my husband who listens, but doesn't understand.

[fauxartist in reply to jessmn62312]

you can only say 'there go I but for the grace of God'.....as is said in program for those of us who still suffer.....so as is your father honey....and you can't fix him, and nor can you be embarrassed because of his actions....or angry because he has a disease that has it's grip on him and his life is unmanageable and out of control. Don't enable him in any way....let him know what your boundaries are....and if he chooses to be a part of your life....he has to be sober when doing so.....and that's it.

[jessmn62312 in reply to fauxartist]

Very wise words, and very true. Thank you.

[Gaygirl]

If your husband truly loves you and cares for you with all his heart, then he will stay with you through the course of your fight with depression, anxiety, and ptsd—now matter how long you struggle with those things. Just remember that.

[jessmn62312 in reply to Gaygirl]

Yes, i know. I know he doesn't mean to make me feel like he doesn't care, he just truly doesn't understand. We have been together now for 15 years, he's been through it all with me. But even i am getting tired of this horrible depressing cycle, so i can only imagine what he must feel. That is why i have decided to get real professional help. I know he is here for me until the end, he honestly is the only reason i try at all.

[Rilo7268]

Have you tried al-anon for support?

[jessmn62312 in reply to Rilo7268]

al-anon is like a support group? if so, no, because of my social anxiety. I know i will just have a panic attack if i have to talk about it in front of people.

[Rilo7268]

ohhh that makes sense. yeah its for the families of alcoholics. i know theres some online AA meetings. maybe theres some for family online too?

[jessmn62312 in reply to Rilo7268]

I can definitely look into it for myself. My dad has been in and out of programs, he has probation now where it is mandatory he attends AA meetings. He hates it. He tells me all the time its nothing but a joke. But i know its because he doesn't want help. I remember as a child i would go with my mom and sit in meetings with her. I know one of the AA serenity prayers by heart because my mom would always say it. But i will look into other online groups specifically for family alcoholism, it would be helpful.

[Rilo7268]

this looks like they have online meetings. good luck. adultchildren.org/quick-sea...

[jessmn62312 in reply to Rilo7268]

Thank you!!

[Crackerjack4u]

Having grown up in a double alcoholic, physically abusive, family myself, (my mom and dad, my uncle, my brother, and my paternal grandparents were all alcoholics), so I understand how difficult this must be for you, and how hard it is to watch them declining in front of your eyes. My mom, dad, uncle, and grandparents are no longer here, but somehow both my parents were able to get sober, and remained sober for several years before they passed away, so I hope your dad is able to do the same.

Therapy is a great place for you to start to try to heal yourself, and prayers that your dad will one day follow suit, and receive the help he needs as well. But you have to heal you because sadly, you are unable to heal them, they have to do that on their own, and nothing we say or do will get them there until they realize they have a problem, and decide to get the help they need. I'm wishing you and your dad all the best, and prayers that you both are able to get the necessary help in order to heal from this horrible disease and from the destruction, and scars that it leaves on everyone in the family.

[jessmn62312 in reply to Crackerjack4u]

Thank you so much!

[coffeetime24]

I hope this message is finding you doing better. It sounds like you are going through so much. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. I do think Alon might be helpful for you or you could look into some books with Alcoholic family members. Remember that the only person you can change is yourself. You can take care of you. I hope you find some peace in knowing that if you are in a good place it allows you to handle any situation.

[jessmn62312 in reply to coffeetime24]

Thank you so much!