I don’t know what to do

[Katie1992]

I’ve struggled with depression and suicidal tendencies for years. I’m in my first serious relationship currently and I feel as if my depression is hurting us. Whenever l feel terrible, I want go to the person that means the most to me for support, someone who I know will not judge me no matter what I say. This is not really the case with my bf. Whenever I get emotional and want to chat with him he says “I’m a mellow person and I can’t take drama. This relationship won’t work out. You should get help” he literally threatens to end the relationship every time this happens. I go into panic mode and shut up. But it sucks not feeling like i can go to him. I woke up before him today and cried out in the living room. I had a thought “could I handle not being able to go to my SO for the rest of my life?” I don’t know. I wish I could convince him to maybe just listen to me. Cuddle me and tell me everything will be okay. It doesn’t help to be hurt more when I’m already hurting. We usually laugh and have a good time. I enjoy spending time with him and I love him. I don’t want to give up on the relationship but it’s hard to even bring up the subject without him threatening a break up and then I get more upset. I’m completely at a loss right now

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How was your family life growing up? Were your feelings of sadness validated or ignored by your family?

[Katie1992]

My family life was okay. I know I have abandonment issues though. My dad wasn’t really around much and when he was he was kind of distant. I moved across the country when I was 9 and moved through a few schools. It always seemed like my friends would suddenly stop liking me and that hurt. Relationships were pretty much the same. I try not to form close attachments to people as a result. So my strong attachment to my bf scares me. Whenever he threatens to break up with me it hurts so much.

[Juliagail]

My recent divorced had very much to do with his inability to support me the way I needed. He’s not a bad guy just incapable of what it took to support me with my anxiety and depression. It was a very lonely marriage. I’m not going to tell anyone what to do, just sharing my experience. All the best to you with your considerations. 💕

[DeniseFromNC]

Katie, I’ve experienced your situation on both sides. I dated a man similar to what you are conveying about yourself. I was fully committed to helping him early in the relationship and soon it became a lot of work. To the point that I got burnt out. I could NOT meet his needs and eventually checked out of the relationship emotionall and mentally. His constant episodes appeared to be drama and were too much for me. At some point it was very disruptive to my peaceful environment and started impacting me in a negative way. So I commend your boyfriend for not allowing your issues to impact him.

After we went out separate ways, a huge load was taken off of me. Soon after, I experienced a depressive episode due to my work environment and personal expectations of myself. Because I know how much of a burden it is to put my issues on others by sharing, I’ve chosen to deal with my issues by myself through counseling, reading slot of self help material and watching (YouTube) anything related to overcoming depression and learning about my issues. Educate yourself regarding your issues. It can be extremely lonely but you have to find the strength to save yourself and get the help you need from a professional. The same love you have for your boyfriend, you need to have for yourself. Become single and invest your time, energy and effort in you. Get yourself to a point to where you are healthy. Use this website to seek support and when you are able, bless others with support and advice.

You and your boyfriend are NOT bad people. The timing is not right for the relationship. Stepping away and focusing on yourself may save the friendship that exists. Staying in the relationship will be destructive. Don’t look for anyone to save you. You are not a victim. You have what it takes to get healthy. I was able to and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done (honestly).

You can do it! Reach out to me anytime!