Confused

[KrazyCAse]

I'm currently getting some professional help, but I think my husband needs it more than I! Only watches news, some others on occasion. Hard to get him motivated to do anything until I get home from work! After 6 days of work, I would love to come home to have SOMETHING done! We have 3dogs now & the only thing he does get done is scooping up the "p double O p!" There's a 15yr difference between us, he's actually retired (so I keep telling myself), he does have a military & ss, do I need to just qwitmybitchn?

[Hidden]

I understand your frustration! I was lucky when my husband was out of work, he kept up with the housework pretty good, painted, made repairs, and cooked some. I was working 3-11 and would reheat food when he cooked. I think it’s reasonable to have a calm discussion with him about helping out, especially since you’re working. If he doesn’t respond favorably, then there’s really not much you can do about it. Having arguments over it will probably make it worse. How long has he been retired? Maybe he’s just taking a justified break from responsibility! I wish you luck and some resolution to your problem!

[KrazyCAse in reply to Hidden]

I really appreciate your time GratitudeFirst! I really wish he COULD enjoy his retirement, official date is 1Jan1995. He had to take care of EVERYTHING last year due to my accident, having 2 broken legs, fractured ribs and broken nose. He had to quit working because of me! I was out of work for 10months....

[Hidden in reply to KrazyCAse]

Hang in there Krazy and maybe he will come around! Keep taking care of you!

[KrazyCAse in reply to Hidden]

Ty gf❣️ I guess I need not let this mater get moldy, huh? Lol😉 I certainly hope you have a GREAT day 💛💛💛

[Hidden in reply to KrazyCAse]

Yes! I do enjoy your terminology! 😀 I hope your day is great as well!

[hypercat54]

Oh he is retired so you have to look after him as well as working. I would have a calm chat with him about pulling his weight and doing his share. If that doesn't work then I would just stop doing stuff like cooking and shopping for him. Let his wash and iron his own clothes too. You could start by getting a takeaway or something just for yourself on the way home from work. When he asks you where his is tell him it's in either the fridge or the shop and to get his own! x

[KrazyCAse in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you for your time and consideration 💛 I often feel guilty about not doing some work around the house... I'm afraid I'm the kind of person that has to be TOLD what needs to be done...he just gets up and does it! I used to be the kind of person who would spend my whole weekend cleaning after working 5days, when both of us were working...so he actually worked AFTER his official retirement date by 20 years.... I keep telling myself that he IS really retired..

Ty HC54

[fauxartist]

I'm older in my relationship....and I do my part the best I can....but my partner is almost 10 years younger...and they still have a lot more get up and go.....I worry about not doing enough sometimes when I'm down with migraines...But I've been told not to feel guilty because staying busy for them, although not an obsession any-more, helps them think and sort things out, they like to be busy it makes them happy...so I am re-assured not to feel guilty or anything.

I do little things though like make them a cup of tea, or make sure they have their bottle of water and keep hydrated. Cook a few meals when it's cooler...do more of the child minding on days they want to do more of other things.

So you may want to talk to your hubby about how your feeling, and be understanding that they are retired, but with you working 6 days a week it would be nice if they picked up a bit more slack so your also not spending all your time off doing a lot around the house, you need to rest too.

[KrazyCAse in reply to fauxartist]

Hello there fauxartist, thank you very much for your kind words.

The most difficult part is the fact that I only work a minimum wage job working as a kennel attendant (approx.15-30 hrs a week, 3-4 days) another job doing light book keeping 1-2 days, and taking care of dogs/cat on another job for a private party...so, my self esteem is very low when it comes to working. My husband was a professional working individual and made some good money...

The free time I take is listening to the morning radio talk show and watching my favorite birds this time of year... little humming birds, for 3 hours when I do have the time in the morning.

He does laundry, washes dishes, cooks, cleans the floors, takes the time outside to pick up the dog doo, and other things as needed. He really has put up alot with me... almost like he's the Dad and I'm his child. Our relationship was based on infidelity, we both have strayed, me more so than him (he now knows), I had alcohol problems, new to being done with alcohol, and I'm finally growing up (@48! ergh) and ready to settle for a change. He's always been very protective and controlling and still is thanks to me...

Well, my 3 hours are up... today is my day off, I need to get ready for dental appointment and do something today...

Thank you for your time and help, hope you have A GREAT day!!!

[fauxartist]

First I want to say congratulations on your sobriety, it's a huge step for you. I am in recovery, and have been for quite a while. I thought this was an interesting statement: 'He's always been very protective and controlling and still is thanks to me'... and I understand you both have cheated so why do you feel deserving of what it sounds like to me as more of the guilt, it doesn't matter how many times either one of you cheated...you both cheated just the same...You working a min. wage job is not demeaning when your making all this effort to keep working... it sounds like your putting your husbands importance before yours.... control isn't love.... I hope you understand that. It sounds like he is doing quite a bit actually around the house.... and that's good. I don't quite understand what the problem is other than your putting less value on your importance than that of your husbands. You both should be equal partners of same value to each other. Are you in any support for staying sober? Have you done therapy? May help you with working on self esteem...it helped me.

[KrazyCAse in reply to fauxartist]

My concern is him because he has had a stent put in, and he's had suicidal thoughts. He has no friends and doesn't trust anyone. We have only 1 vehicle. I've totalled his Toyota 4Runner, totalled my Toyota pickup, transmission went out on a Ford explorer that was given to us, by his daughters friend and his daughter bought us a Ford mustang, ALL within the last three years! His oldest brother died and had Alzheimer's, now his son has it and he's younger than my husband (who we spoke to last week), the next younger brother, who is a reverend and taking care of the 3rd brother and his finances, has bladder cancer. He retired from the military, pays no rent, utilities, phone, or television. The third brother has a truck that my husband and I want to buy from him, but the Reverend will not let us. The 4th brother has serious medical issues, he is doing okay... Not sure how long he has left on this Earth. Then, my husband has the heart issues, the financial struggles, worries and stressed out all the time... Last but not least, their youngest sister, who only speaks with the Reverend, well... I'm not sure what to say about her.

My husband has a lot on his mind, I've always felt that the only thing that would make him happy... is money.

Ty for your reply and I certainly hope you have a great day!!!