Thank you for reading this post!
I am new to this forum, and I look forward to seeing the feedback I may receive.
For the longest time, I have been stuck in a rut. I have undergone the same routine for several years, which undoubtedly betters my personality, but also manifests itself as anxiety and short bouts of severe depression.
I am currently trying to excel in academia to get accepted into a college or university. However, anxiety attached to grades, as well as other things like my obligations, prevents me from totally excelling. Basically, by manifesting itself as perpetual what ifs, my anxiety periodically leads me to indulge in short-term pleasures like binge eating instead of focusing on my long-term goals. Moreover, the manner in which I carry myself conceals the deeply troubled nature of my true conscious self. People around me, particularly my school peers and distant acquaintances (I tend to cut off new friends every year) verbalize how much they look up to me for my "elegance and intellect". This prevents me from getting the social support I need.
However, a few very good adults in my life helped me understand the value of my numerous nefarious experiences. Yet, I still struggle with a low self-esteem. It actually prevents me from confidently executing anything. Sometimes, during my bouts of depression, it manifests itself as a pressure on my chest and radiates from my neck into my left shoulder. That's when I know it's bad. Therapy can substantially aid me, but that is not an option I can consider until I turn eighteen. For now, I'm muddling through life functionally enough.
My Christian faith helps me hang in there. Furthermore, I believe I would be currently unstoppable in the pursuit of my goals if I had grown up with a warm, functional family; however, I hope that my experiences, like my requesting help on this website, will contribute my powerfully good character more so.