Lost..

[Btiffinny]

Since I was little I've felt that I never should have been brought into this world. I am a mother and my children bring me life. They are my reason for existing. Literally. But lately I can't push away the empty feeling I have inside. More and more I feel like I'm drifting off and I feel like I'm failing my children. I smile and laugh wear a face to them. But inside I'm screaming and crying. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm blessed but I feel tortured at the same time with my own self. I want to feel happy and I cannot. I have yet to go to a Dr I'm scared of what will happen.

[Brittney07]

I'm sorry you feel this way. I also feel this way daily, I only get out of bed for my kids bc they need me . Today has been an okay day just sitting back watching them be happy. I'm also scared of going to the doctor but that's something we really need to do so we can be there for our babies. We got to stay strong and keep pushing ourself to make changes each day to better ourselves . If you ever just want to talk I'm here just message me, it's always nice to have someone to talk to who under stands . I hope your night gets better and you sleep well 😀

[Hidden]

What you’re describing sounds much scarier than going to see a doctor. I know I’m more afraid of my own thoughts and their consequences than any doctor. You will more than likely feel better after unloading your difficulties. Children are very perceptive and might just detect your facade. You owe it to yourself and your children to get some assistance. Life could possibly be easier, happier, and more fruitful. I wish strength for you to have the ability to do what you need for yourself and your children. Hugs!!

[LittleMsSunshine]

Hi Btiffinny,

I think going to the doctor and being completely honest with him/her is the first step to feeling better. My children also bring me joy and they are the only reason I'm alive today but we have to get to a point where we are enjoying life and WANT to live because we deserve it and we love ourselves that much.

I know it's a stretch right now but stay strong and know that your children love you unconditionally. You are mum and that is everything to them.

[Tedddy]

Taking the first step and going to a doctor and a therapist is hard but SO worth it. You have worth and your presence is priceless to your children. I'm so sorry you feel this way, but there is hope. The right combination of therapy, support from loved ones, self-care, and maybe medications, can be life-changing. Going to the Dr feels scary, but isn't any scarier than the thoughts your mind is feeding you now. You can heal, you can see worth in yourself. It's a lot of work, but so worth it.

[sad_dragon]

Hi Btiffinny. What are you afraid of? Are you afraid that they are going to tell you your crazy, that your a bad mother, or that they won't actually listen to your concerns? I think as mothers we fear this the most because we are the rock and foundation of our families and most importantly our children. But can I tell you the war inside your body and mind is much worse than seeking treatment! Find a doctor; read up on them and their patient reviews. Be vocal and involved in your treatment plan. All doctor's will try and relieve symptoms with medication. It is the nature of the profession, but just because they prescribe it it doesn't mean you have to take it if you are really unsure about the side affects. Talk about it, get your diagnosis, read up on it, educate yourself. The more you learn and understand your condition the more power you can take over it.

I spent 2 1/2 years on medication. I took everything and only had at a maximum 3 month relief from symptoms before they would return and I would have to try something else. The side effects were horrible and even worse if I missed a dose. I was diagnosed later with Bipolar II because of my lack of responsiveness to medication but still questioning whether or not I truly have it. There are things I must do to manage my symptoms which include plenty of sleep, drinking plenty of water, and moving or exercising regularly. When I fail to do these things my symptoms start creeping in on me which makes it harder to do the things I just mentioned above.

Don't feel guilty that you need to do these things to take care of yourself. You are no good to others if you are not healthy. I spent years yelling at my family and children because I was so depressed and didn't even know it that the irritability and rage just took over. It wasn't until I started managing my symptoms that things began to turn around and I stopped being so angry all the time and stopped yelling at my family all the time. You can find happiness but have to be willing to be a little selfish and take care of yourself.