Depression & Coping

[starcatcher]

Hello everyone, I am new to this forum. I've come back to try to find some positive words. I'm extremely depressed, my 1 year sober boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. The 1st 2 years of our relationship was a complete sham I found out a few weeks into the relationship he was a binge drinking alcoholic, but I chose to stay. Throughout the 2 years he would binge drink we would break up and get back together, he would cheat, he would drink, and we get back together. Talk about toxic. For the past year he has been clean and sober, but the damage was done. I found myself pulling away and not caring. I'm not sure exactly when, but I slipped into extreme depression, and it has gotten to the point where I feel out of control. The final straw was when it was my son's birthday (not a child we share), we had made plans to go out for his birthday, but instead he made other arrangements and did not join us. I was beyond hurt. I felt rejected. We parted ways. Here I am in a depression hole left to fend by myself. With absolutely no support from him at all. He has completely turned his back on me. Doesnt return my calls or texts, so I've stopped reaching out. I feel so much hurt and rage. I stood by this man through everything, and I'm struggling and doing it alone. I guess in reality I've always been doing it alone. By the time he got sober, the damage was already done. The trust was gone, the communication was gone. I know I am missing the thought of what could have been. I knew I should have left a long time ago, but I thought the outcome would be different. Turns out, the outcome is the same. I was alone through his journey, and now I'm alone on mine. I've reached out and I have an appointment with my primary Dr to see about an anti-depressant, and I have an appointment with a therapist and Psychiatrist this month...I'm just trying to hold on until then. Lots of suicidal thoughts for sure.

[Hidden]

Im really sorry to hear of your struggles. Im not a good one to give advice, but I care a lot about other people. Please hang on for your life and the life you have with your son. You have to take your life day by day, minute by minute. Some days are harder, but your life is worth everything. Hugs to you

[starcatcher in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. That's exactly what I'm doing. Minute by minute. That's the best I can do. I hope the best doe you too. Sometimes just an ear is better than advice. 🧡