What Can I Do?

[LostSpouse]

Hello, I'm new here. My husband and I very recently got married.

Over the years, there has been a lot of discussion between my husband and myself about his depression and anxiety (NOT formally diagnosed) that extends from a long history of childhood physical and emotional abuse from his father.

My husband is extremely introverted. He has always hated attention (positive or negative) from other people. Recently, he's been extremely agitated and on edge - it's like a constant feeling of panic. He feels hopeless and like he's trapped. He feels like he'll never amount to anything; he feels ashamed and embarrassed because he's a recent college grad and doesn't have a job (he's in his early thirties and feels behind the 8 ball). He's mentioned wanting to run away and wanting to die. (He's not afraid to tell me these things.)

I don't know what I can do for him. I tell him I'm here for him, that I will help him through life's obstacles, that he's safe. I go on walks with him. I've done most of what websites tell you to do (and honestly some things I shouldn't have, like telling him everybody has felt how he feels and that some things are just in his head, etc.) - but all of the positive/correct stuff, it's not helping him. He has no insurance, so he can't seek professional help.

If you're a spouse of someone, what else do you recommend I do? Or if you suffer from D&A, how would you want your significant other to support you? How else can I help?

[AZ1970]

Do you have a NAMI chapter in your area? They have a family to family group that will teach you how to love and support your family member who has a mental illness. I have a daughter with mental illness and have had to make tough calls at times when things haven't improved. I know this may sound harsh, but take care of yourself. You cannot work harder than he does to get well. If you feel he is a danger to himself, please call a crisis line. He is fortunate to have such a loving and supportive spouse. Childhood abuse is a tough thing to work through. It's great he has you in his corner.

[Hidden in reply to AZ1970]

nami.org/Find-Support/Famil...

[hypercat54]

Hi I think he clearly needs professional help and there is only so much you can do. He might be able to find cheap counselling in his area but I am in the UK so don't know how your system works. He can also find online counselling so have a google.

If he can't or won't seek medical help then there is only the self help route left, so google mindfulness, yoga, and meditation. x