Bad couple of days

[Rpan]

I started therapy last week, couples counseling. My wife was reluctant, but agreed. She would not appreciate that I discuss this, which makes me uncomfortable. We have been together for 20 years. I have anxiety/depression. I’m often anxious with ruminating thoughts. I struggle with thoughts about hurting myself. This is very hard to say because I feel so ashamed of my thoughts. As time passes these thoughts get harder and harder to deal with. I have an 11 year old daughter, who I love dearly. I just hate feeling down or anxious. I rarely get a reprieve from these thoughts. This coupes counseling has set me over the edge mainly because I’m not capable of giving or receiving love at this point in my life. I told my wife I no longer love her, which breaks my heart. All I see in my relationship are those little annoyances. I’m often angry with my wife. I blame her for my unhappiness, knowing full well that she is not the problem. She doesn’t suffer with anxiety/depression and that makes me angry, not that I want her to suffer. I’m jealous that she is well. Maybe someone here can help me gain some insight, I’m feeling kinda lost.

[Agora1]

Hi rpanio, Couples therapy can be beneficial if both people are willing to give 100% commitment. I'm wondering if you are having one on one therapy in working with your anger, anxiety and depression issues? Until you resolve where all this is coming from, you can't give of yourself. As you said "she is not the problem". You need to work on yourself first, get into a comfortable position, know the reasons for the way you feel and then decide if couple's counseling is warranted.

It's a lonely place to be in dealing with mental health issues. Knowing that others don't have a clue what it's like to be carrying this around each day. It can become very easy to pity ourselves which then turns into an anger or jealousy in why you should suffer. We can only control our emotions. We can only accept how we respond to anxiety and not how others may perceive our problem. It is no ones fault that we were thrown anxiety/depression. Sometimes it's chemically caused by the brain or deep seated unresolved emotional issues. In either case, needs to be addressed by a professional.

I'm most concerned about the thoughts you have in hurting yourself. I want you to be safe for yourself as well as your family. Wish you well in getting some help. It will take some work on your part but will well be worth it.

[Hidden]

rpanio, know that everything here is confidential. None of us know each other unless we choose to have someone message for additional support. I feel that if your wife knew you were looking for help from those who suffer varying mental health issues she would approve as it can help you and your family. I understand being resentful that she doesn’t have your struggles. I admire your long term marriage. I have been married five times and didn’t realize until recently that my relationship issues were jealousy of my partners’ abilities to be what I deemed normal. My anger with myself led to constant attacks and belittling my partners to the point of cheating, lying, stealing... anything to appear better than them. If you’re feeling that you don’t love your wife anymore it may simply be that you are losing respect and love for yourself. I hope you are getting one on one counseling to help with your anxiety and depression. I attempted marriage counseling but it was pointless because I hadn’t addressed my personal issues. If you can’t restrain yourself in regards to self harm for your best interest think of your daughter. Most women’s first love is their father. Please don’t let your daughter feel that you didn’t love her by self destructing. Praying for you and your family.

[fauxartist]

It's good of you to be doing the couples therapy....but obviously this should be centered around how your going to separate ...if you no longer love her...your resentment is never going to get better. I would maybe suggest you get individual counseling....and by understanding she cannot make you happy or unhappy....it's your choice to find what makes you happy...it's a good start at doing work on yourself. Wanting to hurt yourself of course if problematic when you have a child at home...and that reason alone you should get immediate help....sharing here is good...no shame, blame or judgement for anyone here....we are all in the same boat. We just need a safe place to share. Keep this part of your like about sharing here to yourself if your worried about your wifes re-action...and if you care for her as your child's mother, let her go....your resentment will only get worse....and your child will pay the price with un-happy parents.....

[gerrerd]

Watch Wayne Dyer on you tube daily to turn your thinking round,