How to change anxiety that you have had since a little kid?

[6418]

Hi, I grew up in a small town in Alaska. My parents were both alcoholics/drug addicted my dad worked on the oil fields month on month off. I was the only child. I got no support or love at home. I grew up an extremely sad and lonely child, who didn’t trust anyone. One who couldn’t stand him self or to look in a mirror. The concept to love myself never dawned on me until a friend I know gave me a book about loving your self... now on top of that I have physical symptoms that are beginning to make life unbearable. I wake up everyday and dry heave until what I guess is bile comes up. I will also throw up during the day. I wake up in the morning sore like I’m tense at night, I don’t remember my dreams so not sure if it’s bad dreams or not. I’m sure it is. Because of this my joints in my hands feel like they are falling apart. My hands and feet hurt all the time. Waking up to this makes life almost unbearable, how do I live a normal life when I have to start the day this way. I’m starting to realize I have bad anxiety, which I guess I’ve always had that’s why it seemed normal to me until all the physical symptoms arose. Kinda lost as what to do

[Ayla-Kat]

Hi, 6418. I am sorry that you are feeling this way. Anxiety is rough. I just want to tell you that you are not alone in this. People on this forum have great advice and support. They are caring and non judgmental.

I have GAD. I didn't know until 3 years ago. I suggest reading as much as you can on anxiety. Learn about your condition .

you may want to consult a physician. They can do blood tests to rule out physical illness or deficiencies .

You may want to try therapy. It sounds like you have abandonment issues. I recommend the journey from abandonment to healing by Susan Anderson . She has good explanation

And exercises.

Every person here has a personal journey to healing. I feel for everyone's suffering and help as much as I can.

I hope you are able to find a plan for yourself . You will have this self love to find a way to heal.

Hugs and healing

😻 Ayla-Kat

[6418 in reply to Ayla-Kat]

Hi Kat..... thanks for the reply. I have been to a therapist before. But I have no memory of my childhood.... she didn’t seem to know how to help me. I guess at the time I didn’t know what anxiety was..... I have seen dr starting about 10years ago when I first started throwing up every morining... we went thru so many test, finally they said it was probably stress and that was all that was said.... lately I have been to the dr again but they just treat me like I’m making it up... very frustrating... like I want pain pills or something which I don’t take pills it I don’t have too

[gerg in reply to 6418]

I have traced my anxiety disorder back to some early childhood trauma. The source of my anxiety is not really important. I can’t do anything about what happened. I live in the now, it is the only place one with anxiety can exist. For most of my life I worried about the past and the future. This focus made me not really exist, not in the present at least. My anxiety was internalized and hidden even from me. I always knew that there was something wrong with me, but my pretend normal seemed to always win. Now I see my life very different, I am actually living, and I actually feel like a man.

I hope you can take something from this to make your life better. The pain that you feel is something I knew well.

[Rpan]

Wow, you just told my story. My days in my younger years would start the same way ( for many years) i found out it was nerves. I changed my routines. At night I write in a journal, what ever comes up. I end writing some positive things, about anything. I sometimes listen to guided imagery before bed, lately I read the Bible before bed also. When I wake up I prey and sometimes listen to a meditation than I read a daily teaching. It’s all a matter of adding some uplifting distractions. Really start working on some positive changes. It takes a little time, it’s about changing your perception. Knowing why this is happening isn’t as important as adding some new ways to perceive things. This will shift things and before you know it the morning issues will lesson. I think learning about the anxiety is helpful also, just make sure you put as much time in the other things that I explained also. You may not be able to change how you see yourself right now, but as you learn how to comfort yourself you will be able to change your perception of yourself.