I haven't been on for a long time, But heres my update why I was depressed and I have come out to say why I was.

[coatpin]

I had enough, so went for counselling, ect, then demanded after driving to the side of the road in floods of tears, how had my life come to this. ? This is not what I wanted in a family? I cried so hard I just couldnt stop!! I had just came back from the GP, and demanded to have my drugs raised to 300, 350mg. I lost my home, my family everything. Talking to talking space, so glad I stood up for myself. And insisted they increase to the dose, because, Im now functional human being.

Reported my abuse for the fourth time to police, and again they did nothing. CID said horrid things like your delusional, and if you go to oxford then your be in big trouble, I felt they were threatening ME, yet I was the one who was abused all those years ago. They did nothing because, mental health issues. They called it welfare issues. Bull shit!! if they cared why not go back to me, after the gp yet again gave me a really low dose that wouldnt effect a natt, then come to see me after and ask me again. If you cared you would have done that right? The police have a never negative response to people who get depression. They seem to know more about, illegal drugs and what your like on them, than people depressed. But believe me, Im going to change this. For woman who have been raped. and then not to be believed. Then she gets post traumatic stress disorder.

Gps do not know how to administer mental health drugs, so please if you feel your not getting better go see your, mental health team. I told them what happened to me, and they said there is no underlying mental illness.

So now I wrote to the police with a complaint.

Now I have written to the health authority, vulnerable adults team, complaints. This peice of syt will be taken off, and stripped of his status, and if he spends one hour of the horror, and nightmare I have been living, even loosing my home, because of what he did to me. Then its been worth it.

It broke my family in two. Now Im speaking out, and will make sure people with depression are treated better. Please go for counselling and grab anything that will help you. Talking space as really helpful, and accepted the counselling offered.

To clear the cob webs in that hidden space in your spirit of who you, are, the sunshine will return but may take a bit of time. Keep strong, if you feel you can join groups and make friends, or get a dog to walk, you will meet people that way. Dont hit yourself with a stick, because usually people will do that for you. Be nice to yourself, do things that either you used to enjoy doing and dont have the time to do anymore. Or find new things to challenge you. And write a diary, and see how much you have done, to improve your life. When you have those dark days you can look back, and your'll realise how far you have come. Take care all. Get those SAD boxes. They really help!

[tamka38]

Sorry u are having a hard times sending u lots of hugs❤️ nobody should be treated unfairly rightnow I Been free from alcohol for 29 days and I feel more depressed and anxious and disconnected and numb I don’t know what to do

[coatpin in reply to tamka38]

Well might be time for you to go for some counselling to find out why you drank in the first place, we carry sometimes a sack of unanswered questions, and it gets heavy. Time to get those cobwebs out of the wardrobe, and get rid of those baggage. I must say it did me a world of good, I could see clearer my direction, I was stuck, hurting and afraid of the world. Its nice to just tell someone everything without being judged, and its not going to offend anyone, like mates ect. plan what you want out of counselling. And it can lighten the depression.

[tamka38 in reply to coatpin]

I been to a therapist and talk about my childhood problems and I just hate opening up wounds

[coatpin in reply to tamka38]

you have to hun, otherwise it can do a lot of damage to you in the future, getting it out there, will stop you getting more depressed, or ill in the future. Thats why people have breakdowns, because they bottle up their emotions, like a jar, with the lid starting to rattle till it cant hold on anymore, bam it goes,,, explodes. More painful than you ever thought possible. Do try to find toxic parents, by doctor susan forward, brilliant book, that can explain more about how the parenting can effect you as a child, and an adult, where the child gets locked inside the adult, like when we say things like, Grow up, stop being so childish,,, because its the child crying out to be heard, then the inner child, can grow, in line with the outside person. Its a specialist field of counselling. But a well worth the opening up of old wounds. I no longer get that rut feeling like im bleeding from in inside out. Please keep going, have faith, your never be given more than you can cope with, be honest, and open. Honestly you will see the sun shining again!!

[hypercat54]

Hi coatpin good to see you my friend but sorry you are going through this. x

[coatpin in reply to hypercat54]

Life can be shit and then you die, lol lol,,, Well getting statement to the GMC, and hang is ass, sick bstd. And fighting back and seeing clearly again. It hasnt been nice going through the paperwork again. Started the nightmares again, but you know what, I will be okay!! He wont though!!

[tamka38 in reply to coatpin]

Am unhappy

[coatpin in reply to tamka38]

how come?

[tamka38]

I have talk about my my childhood problems that’s not on my mind no more I do my best to keep it in a safe place in my mind that happen when I was 5 throughout my teen years to adult years lately I been in a dark place and I feel so numb

[coatpin in reply to tamka38]

Are you on meds? it might be time to visit the doctor, and tell her/him how your doing. Honestly be nice to yourself, do things you used to enjoy doing, get a new hair cut and pamper yourself. Do some sort of sport, or read a book, to get your mind off , the subject like going to see a film. Give a call to a mate. Confide in someone, which should be your counsellor. Or when your feeling at a bleak moment, call samaritans, just talking and getting it out can help, off load the burden of it. And if your feeling suicidal, get a doctor and dont leave it. As you might be needing a increase in meds, or if your not on any, you might need to try some. You need to take care,,,, of yourself.

[tamka38 in reply to coatpin]

On not on meds and am tried of struggling everyday like this am not enjoying life right now

[hypercat54 in reply to tamka38]

The trouble with keeping painful memories buried is that eventually they always leak out and ruin your present and your future unless you deal with them. Feelings and emotions cannot be ignored you know unless you want to live a life with depression/anxiety and other mental health conditions.

Therapy isn't an easy option but it is so very worthwhile in the end. x

[tamka38 in reply to hypercat54]

Am on the waiting list for a therapist

[hypercat54 in reply to tamka38]

Good. x

[tamka38 in reply to hypercat54]

Am just tried

[coatpin in reply to tamka38]

Dont allow your past effect your future. I think if it has been going on for more than two weeks, feeling like you have, you should go see your gp. Tell them, it might be low level depression, but if you leave it, its a symptom of a illness that can get a lot worse. Take care Tamka38

[tamka38 in reply to coatpin]

I been dealing with this since 8